Don't tell June, but Drop Dead Fred himself Rik Mayall stars alongside Tia Carrere in the 2000 fantasy film Merlin: The Return. LIVE from Belfast's Ulster Hall, the HDTGM crew discuss Guinevere's too tight hair curls, the sneaky ghost skeletons, the water hose in the science lab, and what it means to have #BigMerlinEnergy. Plus, a King Arthur in the audience asks Paul a momentous question. Also... 'YER MA!
Don't tell June, but Drop Dead Fred himself Rik Mayall stars alongside Tia Carrere in the 2000 fantasy film Merlin: The Return. LIVE from Belfast's Ulster Hall, the HDTGM crew discuss Guinevere's too tight hair curls, the sneaky ghost skeletons, the water hose in the science lab, and what it means to have #BigMerlinEnergy. Plus, a King Arthur in the audience asks Paul a momentous question. Also... 'YER MA!
Paul Scheer [00:00:00] Mordred is back with an evil plan and what it is. Well, I mean, we don't really know exactly, but we do know that we saw Merlin The Return, so you know what that means.
Music [00:01:08] [Intro Song]
Paul Scheer [00:01:08] Hello people of Earth! And hello people of Belfast! Merlin is back. Oh, yeah. That's right. King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table in present day UK. But guess what? What are they going to do? Nothing. Run, hide! This is a movie that primarily takes place in the woods. This is a movie that, according to the research, I did cost 20,000 pounds. This is a movie, and maybe the most shocking fact that came out in 2000. If you told me 1987, I would have been like, yes, that makes sense. But no, this came out in 2000. Oh my God. We are going to break it all down. So whether you are Team Merlin or Team Mordred. We will get to the bottom of it all. But first, let me introduce to you my co-host, Mr. Jason Mantzoukas.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:02:29] What's up, Jerks!? How's it going, Belfast? That's right. Don't worry, I asked. They said I cannot play the organ back there. I said doesn't work. They said. Not for you. Not cool. You can't have a big giant. Can everybody see the big giant organ? It's big. And I want to play it so bad.
Paul Scheer [00:03:00] Jason, Merlin, the return.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:03:04] Is it a movie?
Paul Scheer [00:03:07] Good question.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:03:09] I genuinely feel like I fell asleep in the first five minutes, and the rest of it was a fever dream, because multiple times I was like, don't know what's going on.
Paul Scheer [00:03:20] This is a movie that reminded me of when I was a child, and I was at my grandparents house and they didn't have cable, and you were forced to watch whatever was on. And I was like, yep, I guess I'm watching this. No, I wanted it to have commercials just to give me a break from the actual movie.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:03:39] Well, it's a what, a fake out. What a fake out. Because I'm like, is this a kid's movie? Because if it is, it has way more incest then I'm comfortable with. And then the fuck? Go ahead, go ahead. I've got a lot to say. I'm just pulling my notes out. I took notes. It's. You know, it's bad when all of my notes are just questions that are that are unanswered. Who is this person? Why are they here? What does this mean? Why is Tia Carerre even doing this? What is anyone's plan? It took me three quarters of the way through the movie to realize that never once are we back in Arthurian time.
Paul Scheer [00:04:25] Nope. Just an alternate direction with a very bad set decoration now. There is one other thing that we need to get into, and that is hair. And we have an expert on hair and so many other things. My other co-host, June Diane Raphael.
June Daine Raphael [00:04:52] Oh my word.
Paul Scheer [00:04:54] How are you, June?
June Daine Raphael [00:04:55] I'm not okay. Now, I told Jason backstage. I lost my notebook with all my notes. I know.
Paul Scheer [00:05:04] Will it matter? Nope.
June Daine Raphael [00:05:06] I don't think it will.
Paul Scheer [00:05:07] Wait. That happened between here and the hotel?
June Daine Raphael [00:05:09] That happened. Yeah.
Paul Scheer [00:05:12] Wow.
June Daine Raphael [00:05:12] We went out to dinner. We went out to dinner.
Paul Scheer [00:05:15] Someone out there on the street is like we've uncovered the code.
June Daine Raphael [00:05:17] Well, so I'm going off the dome tonight. Just just on on feelings and instincts.
Paul Scheer [00:05:24] I think you'll do fine.
June Daine Raphael [00:05:25] I think I'll do just fine. But I will say we flew here this morning and we flew. I sat next to a couple who's coming to the show tonight, and I always feel insane watching these movies on the plane, and I was so relieved to just sit in peace and watch Merlin. They saw me taking notes.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:05:48] I was gonna say. They've got your notebook.
June Daine Raphael [00:05:50] What?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:05:52] No doubt in my mind. Those creeps stole your notebook.
Paul Scheer [00:05:56] I just want to say it again to get both the viewer reactions. The year this movie was made.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:06:03] No.
Paul Scheer [00:06:04] was 2000.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:06:04] Respectfully, no.
June Daine Raphael [00:06:06] Yeah. With all.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:06:07] Actually disrespectfully, no.
Paul Scheer [00:06:10] 87? Yes. But 2000? No.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:06:13] No. Maybe that's not like a video release or something. This movie was shot in 1982.
Paul Scheer [00:06:19] I was looking so deeply in the going, look, there must have been some mistake. But no, because I believe the director of this is a fan of Mike Myers. And I'm going to get into my theory.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:06:32] Wait of what?
Paul Scheer [00:06:32] Mike Myers.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:06:32] Oh, Mike Myers.
Paul Scheer [00:06:33] Because Tia Carerre is in this. She's in Wayne's World. And at one point, Mordred does the Doctor Evil pinky to the lip and goes, my evil plan. And I was like, is that in earnest? Or was he directed to do that? And I really did believe.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:06:53] Well to be fair. He also tells someone to put a sock in it. I think not, I can't imagine that's a phrase from Mordred's time. I mean, put a sock in it? That sounds like something Fonzie says.
June Daine Raphael [00:07:13] You said this in the intro, and I also I'm disputing the fact that this was made in 2000. And also, I'm disputing the idea that we weren't at one point in flashbacks.
Paul Scheer [00:07:24] Well, I don't think they had the budget.
June Daine Raphael [00:07:25] So you're saying that all of this movie, from Tip to Tail, took place in the same time period?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:07:34] Sorry. It takes place in modernity. And then an alternate dimension where all of Mordred, Lancelot and Guinevere have been for 1500 years. That's too long. That's so long. You know how many times Lancelot and Guinevere are fucking for 1500 years? They're ageless.
June Daine Raphael [00:08:00] To me, though, that was the most interesting part of the movie, is that they fell out of love with each other. It's like this can't. This love does not stand the test of time.
Paul Scheer [00:08:09] I don't think that love should stand the test of 1500 years.
June Daine Raphael [00:08:13] You don't think that you'd love me after 1500 years?
Paul Scheer [00:08:16] 1350.
June Daine Raphael [00:08:18] And then?
Paul Scheer [00:08:19] And then after that, I think we go our separate ways. We've done it all. We've done it. But by the way, what is there to do in Mordred dimension? It's just a cave, with, I guess, a kitchen. Because at what point they barrel into a kitchen where people are eating bread. Where are they getting that bread?
June Daine Raphael [00:08:36] Here's that. Okay, so so that was my big question in that dimension where they've been for 1500 years, Mordred's also done this to himself because it doesn't seem like he can leave either. So he has imprisoned them and they don't see any daylight, but neither does he. Correct?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:08:54] No. I think they've all been imprisoned there by Merlin.
Paul Scheer [00:08:59] Yes, Merlin.
June Daine Raphael [00:09:00] I'm sorry. No no no no no. Yes, yes. By Merlin.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:09:05] Correct.
June Daine Raphael [00:09:05] But. Okay, so Merlin is not there. So who put Mordred there?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:09:09] Merlin. So upon. You're. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. There was one flashback to the inciting incident in which the Mordred and Merlin are fighting at Stonehenge.
June Daine Raphael [00:09:20] So upset I hate this.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:09:23] Boy, do I wish I wasn't saying Mordred and Merlin were fighting at Stonehenge. I'm 51. I don't want to be saying these words.
June Daine Raphael [00:09:34] Yeah.
Paul Scheer [00:09:35] I will also say that when I was watching that fight at Stonehenge, the only flashback in the film, which comes about 30 minutes into the film, because at that point the film doesn't make sense. And then they go, hey, let's explain why it doesn't make sense here. Instead of starting the movie with that scene.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:09:52] I would argue the movie never makes sense. Nor is it is it really interesting in giving us any exposition to help it make sense. Because every component is as if it's from a different movie. The kids are in their movie. Remember Kate and Ritchie?
June Daine Raphael [00:10:11] Course I do. Okay.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:10:16] June I have a very real question.
June Daine Raphael [00:10:16] Quick, please. Please, please.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:10:17] And he's right here on the back here. Does this character who plays Merlin seem familiar to you at all? Don't say it. Don't say it, don't say it.
June Daine Raphael [00:10:34] Yeah.
Paul Scheer [00:10:35] All right, everybody be cool.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:10:37] You watched the whole movie?
Paul Scheer [00:10:37] Everybody be cool, because.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:10:39] I'm gonna give you a hint. This person has been in a movie we've done before.
Paul Scheer [00:10:43] And in my open, I did give a very big hint.
June Daine Raphael [00:10:47] No, no, no.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:10:53] Who is it?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:10:54] That's. That's Rik Mayall!
Paul Scheer [00:11:01] Absolute legend.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:11:02] It's Fred.
June Daine Raphael [00:11:04] That's Fred?
Paul Scheer [00:11:05] That's Fred.
June Daine Raphael [00:11:08] That's Fred?
Paul Scheer [00:11:10] That's Fred.
June Daine Raphael [00:11:11] That's Fred?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:11:16] You watch the whole movie with Fred in it and you didn't even know.
June Daine Raphael [00:11:22] Okay, but I have to say he was the best part of the movie.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:11:26] Of course, he's Rick Mayall!
June Daine Raphael [00:11:28] I would have said that anyway. I would have said that anyway.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:11:32] He's a fucking genius.
June Daine Raphael [00:11:33] He is a genius. I cannot believe I didn't recognize him, I did, there was something familiar about him, and. But I finished the movie and I wanted to erase it from my mind, so I didn't investigate further. I'm shocked that I really, this is going to take me a second. I'm just absolutely stunned right now.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:11:54] The movie should have been Merlin and the kids versus everyone. That's the only way the movie works as a movie, right? Don't give me a smattering of applause, Belfast. I'm not looking for your approval, assholes. I'm telling you facts. Idiots.
Paul Scheer [00:12:16] Merlin should also have a problem. He doesn't. There is like this is the problem with the movie, right? They had this big battle at Stonehenge.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:12:26] Do you want me to read the crawl at the beginning?
Paul Scheer [00:12:28] Well, yeah. Let's pull it up right here.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:12:30] I mean, you know, actually, do we have it?
Paul Scheer [00:12:33] We do.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:12:34] Okay, so I think I'm going to count down from three, and then everybody read it together. Okay. This is the pace. Three. Two. One.
Everybody [00:12:45] In ancient times, the mighty army of the evil sorcerer Mordred brought the legendary King Arthur and his knights to their knees. Lancelot's love for Arthur's wife, Queen Guinevere proved fatal.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:13:03] Not cool bro.
Everybody [00:13:04] In desperation, Merlin the wizard used his immense power to banish Mordred to the netherworld and to consign Arthur and his knights to a long dark sleep, waiting for the moment that Mordred could attempt his escape.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:13:24] It actually explains quite a bit.
Paul Scheer [00:13:26] Well, wait, but.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:13:28] Reading it now, I have to admit it explains quite a bit. A lot of questions have a lot of my questions answered.
Paul Scheer [00:13:36] But this is the problem with the film. When I read that three times at the start of the film, I was looking for answers that I couldn't find because it's so much information like this one idea here where it says Lancelots of love for Arthur's wife, Queen Guinevere, proved fatal. But she's alive.
June Daine Raphael [00:13:59] No, fatal to the kingdom.
Paul Scheer [00:14:02] Fatal to the kingdom.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:14:04] I mean, I think fatal to whoever wrote this. They think they think she's dead, so they think they're dead. I don't know.
June Daine Raphael [00:14:14] No, but didn't Arthur. Okay, now I'm going to go back to Camelot.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:14:17] Great.
June Daine Raphael [00:14:18] Didn't Arthur lose? Wasn't the entire kingdom threatened because of this affair? Yes.
Paul Scheer [00:14:25] Okay.
June Daine Raphael [00:14:26] I think that's what fatal means.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:14:28] Proved fatal. That seems like the wrong word choice. Like if you said, brought Camelot to its knees. Not like proved fatal means someone died.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:14:37] Fatal to the fatal to the monarchy?
Paul Scheer [00:14:39] Fatal to Camelot. Right. Or something?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:14:43] Let's not interrogate it too much, because let's be honest, this is a fucking disaster.
Paul Scheer [00:14:48] All we need to know is all we need to know is this. Mordred and King Arthur were battling. And through a magical accident, one gets sucked into the netherworld. And we know that Lancelot and Guinevere also get stuck there. And then we can say, oh, they fell in love in the nether.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:15:05] To my understanding. Okay. So, Lancelot, Guinevere, Mordred and the forces of evil get sucked into the other dimension. King Arthur, the Knights of the Round Table, his men. They all go to sleep?
Paul Scheer [00:15:17] Well, because Merlin. Merlin puts him to sleep.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:15:21] Yes. Where? Where are they asleep?
Paul Scheer [00:15:24] The woods.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:15:25] And then Merlin. Check this out. Merlin then lives for 1500 years on Earth, right?
Paul Scheer [00:15:31] And never gets contemporary clothing.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:15:33] Never. That's my. Yes. That's exactly what I was going to say. Thank you. He never gets. He goes undercover with a lab coat over Merlin's robe? Who's making these robes?
June Daine Raphael [00:15:44] Here's the thing. Here's the thing about Merlin. My favorite scene was when he was. My favorite scene was when he was looking through his robes. But the thing about Merlin and this performance, by the way, is that he's the type of guy who dresses like that, and you don't question it.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:16:03] No. He wants you to ask questions. He's like a guy walking around with a parrot on his shoulder. Like, oh, I don't want to talk about it.
June Daine Raphael [00:16:11] Absolutely. And you don't want to give him the satisfaction of asking him why he's wearing, like, a rope belt. Just move along.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:16:19] As a doc, as a scientist and your doctor walking around, you know? Hey, man, you work here, right? What's up with the robes?
Paul Scheer [00:16:27] But the problem is he's in a town that seemingly has three residents. Yeah, right? The woman who runs the convenience store. That woman's sister whose husband died?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:16:38] Yes.
[00:16:38] The new a new patron. And then, I guess, down the road a little bit is the psychic?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:16:44] Medium. The medium with Kate's mom.
June Daine Raphael [00:16:46] Okay, if I could see an entire movie about a medium mom and a daughter and a young daughter. To me.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:16:55] Medium mom sounds pretty great.
June Daine Raphael [00:17:00] Medium Mom and pint sized girl. I would watch that movie. The person I'm obsessed with. So Richie comes to this town because his father died and his mom.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:17:13] Which nobody is cool about at all. Everybody's like, get over it. He died. He's not. He didn't take off to Hawaii. What?
Paul Scheer [00:17:24] Richie never takes off his leather jacket, even during sleep.
June Daine Raphael [00:17:29] Love, Richie. And I was obsessed with his mom because later on in the movie, I always say, I've never seen this done in a movie. Where Richie is in the big scene in the scientist lab. Richie Richie's mom is being held hostage and in every other movie. And that's why some things about this movie I'm going to tell you are advanced. There is a reading of this movie. There are moments in it where I'm like, God damn, I have never seen anything like this. Mom comes in restrained in her nightgown and instead of saying, like, Richie, run out of here, get out of here, she goes, help me! Help!
Jason Mantzoukas [00:18:11] Repeatedly, repeatedly calls to her 11 year old son to come help her?
June Daine Raphael [00:18:19] Never seen anything like that.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:18:21] Take him. Oh, that kid should be raised by Merlin.
Paul Scheer [00:18:25] So much so that, like, Richie is like, I got to kill Merlin. I think he's ready to kill him.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:18:30] I think Mordred's mom is cooler and they fuck. Okay. There's a point where he's. He's calling her mother. Mother, mother. Then they have a passionate makeout.
June Daine Raphael [00:18:41] Very upsetting.
Paul Scheer [00:18:44] Can I just show Mordred trolling Richie? That's, clip six a Mordred. Really. This is why I was saying, like, he kind of is really doing his doctor Evil here.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:18:54] This is, this is Craig Schaffer from A River Runs Through It.
Paul Scheer [00:18:58] Wow.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:18:59] I'm so sorry. Didn't nobody know that this is American actor Craig Schafer?
Movie Audio [00:19:04] I would love to teach you about never dying to time. That's a joke, Richie. My God. Don't you get anything? Time. Never?
Paul Scheer [00:19:24] I don't get it.
Movie Audio [00:19:28] Look at this, Richie.
Movie Audio [00:19:31] Mom!
Movie Audio [00:19:37] Look at your face now. Shall I have her killed?
Movie Audio [00:19:43] No! Let her go, please!
Movie Audio [00:19:45] Help me! Please! Richie!
Movie Audio [00:19:48] Richie! Help me!
Movie Audio [00:19:52] Let her go!
Movie Audio [00:19:53] Your mother's life belongs to me now.
Movie Audio [00:19:59] What do you want us to do?
Movie Audio [00:20:02] It's very simple, really.
Paul Scheer [00:20:05] There is the Doctor Evil.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:20:07] What is that?
Paul Scheer [00:20:08] That's what I'm saying.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:20:11] Ew. Also. This is the scene where I wrote. How does he know his name is Richie? Mordred, I believe, has never laid eyes on this kid yet.
Paul Scheer [00:20:24] Also, where did the machete come from? All of a sudden that security guard has a machete that looks like it was.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:20:31] A security guard at a security guard at a science facility? There's this sign out in the middle of the jungle that he chopped his way through. He's had a he's at a portal facility.
Paul Scheer [00:20:45] This science facility is badly operated because at a certain point, there are four scientists working in the lab. Merlin comes in, and no one pays him any mind.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:20:57] No, cause he's got glasses on and a lab coat over his robes, except out of the sleeves are cascading. I'm going to say 4 to 5ft of straps and ribbons or whatever parts of his robes. I couldn't make heads or tails out of it. Also, real question. And I mean this why is Tia Carerre helping Mordred?
Paul Scheer [00:21:20] Okay, it's a plan that we are not privy to.
June Daine Raphael [00:21:23] We're not privy to. But first of all, I think Tia is amazing in this movie.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:21:27] Fantastic.
June Daine Raphael [00:21:28] She's fantastic in this.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:21:30] Love her as a bond.
June Daine Raphael [00:21:31] She's always great. She really is. So that's what. So at the end of the movie, when she's relegated to a lifetime of being raped by that guy, whoever, whatever his name is.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:21:45] I wrote that down. Two, sir. Is that Sir Gawain?
June Daine Raphael [00:21:48] Yes, sir. Gawain.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:21:49] Sir Gawain tells her.
Movie Audio [00:21:51] Don't worry. We are going to have lots of fun.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:21:56] Basically, the final line of the movie is you're going to be raped for eternity.
Paul Scheer [00:22:01] But after a couple thousand years. You might come to love me.
June Daine Raphael [00:22:07] Who knows?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:22:07] I want to suggest that this movie, I believe its intended audience is children.
June Daine Raphael [00:22:13] I know. But here's the thing about Tia and what she want. Her character wants in the movie. Because a few times I thought, let's hear her out. Let's hear out what she wants to do with this piece of technology she's building or science. Like we don't even get to understand what her plan is.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:22:35] She has created portals to a different dimension.
Paul Scheer [00:22:38] Through a helmet that is under arm security, but that she can just take out for a ride at any given point multiple times in a day. It seems like she does twice in one day.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:22:49] I wish we could have seen the scene where it occurs to her to bring the helmet to a medium, right? Like what? Yeah, She's driving by a medium like hmmm.
Paul Scheer [00:23:02] She also puts it in a giant shoe box. And I think the medium at certain point would be like, hey, you should stop coming to me. Because if every time you come to me, you say it doesn't work, then I think we're done here.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:23:13] Also follow up question, what's the helmet you keep putting behind me?
Paul Scheer [00:23:20] Also the opening scene of this movie. I rewound this so many times because the medium has a pint sized daughter. And the pint.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:23:26] She's like. She's like, I wrote, oh, there's a blossom in this movie?
June Daine Raphael [00:23:30] She's so sweet.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:23:32] She's wearing a big blossom hat at one point.
Paul Scheer [00:23:33] Well, blossom comes in and, the psychic says, oh, say hello to Tia Carerre. And she goes, you know, how are you doing? She's like, fine, thank you. And the mom's like, how rude, my rude daughter. She said, fine, thank you. And I was like, is that like a British thing? I don't know is like is fine, thank you like, fuck you, asshole? But it was like I also had an issue with the ghost skeletons because the ghost skeletons were ghosts, but yet they snuck around like they would be like. Isn't the whole thing of being a ghost that you can't be seen.
June Daine Raphael [00:24:13] And at points, Paul, they were looking back at each other and going.
Paul Scheer [00:24:18] Like a Swat team.
June Daine Raphael [00:24:20] I've never seen, again, there are choices in this movie that are so shocking that I had to tip my hat to.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:24:27] Oh, yeah. Like when King Arthur and his men attack a semi-truck.
June Daine Raphael [00:24:31] Oh my God. Okay. King Arthur.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:24:36] These fucking idiots.
June Daine Raphael [00:24:39] I don't know if it's King Arthur or one of the knights, but when when one of them started taking a sword and jamming it into the front vent or whatever that was over and over again, I laughed so hard.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:24:52] It was very funny.
June Daine Raphael [00:24:54] Very funny.
Paul Scheer [00:24:54] And the truck driver who deals with this like, like it's raining.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:25:01] Like it happens all the time.
Paul Scheer [00:25:03] Unfazed.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:25:04] Like, how is the route, attacked by ancient bandits again.
Paul Scheer [00:25:10] My, my favorite thing too, is they bring back King Arthur, who has woken up from a slumber, and they put him in Merlin's apartment. It's a whole new world to King Arthur. He could look at anything and be amazed by it. It's 2000 cell phones, computers, anything. He picks up a banana. What is this infernal device?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:25:33] And eats it sideways with the peel on.
Paul Scheer [00:25:36] Like you had bananas. Bananas are not the same. Like bananas is the only thing that you should recognize.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:25:42] Yes. Fruit. Fruit should be universal.
Paul Scheer [00:25:44] Yes. That room. So many things.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:25:48] This truck should blow his mind. The cars should blow it. Nope. Banana.
Paul Scheer [00:25:54] Banana. That's the whole movie. Is that choice? It just, again.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:26:00] Makes me feel like it's for kids. You know, like that's a joke that kids would be like, oh, my God, this idiot.
June Daine Raphael [00:26:07] By the way, my seat mate's brought this up, but.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:26:10] You talked to them?
June Daine Raphael [00:26:11] Yeah. Of course.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:26:13] Don't do that. Don't encourage them. Don't encourage them to talk to us.
June Daine Raphael [00:26:19] But they asked, is this a sequel? They kept on trying to figure out if it was a sequel. And I did say, well, yeah, where is Merlin returning from? Especially now knowing that he has been here for a long time
Paul Scheer [00:26:31] Well, the return is like all of them went to sleep and now it's their turn.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:26:38] No, but Merlin didn't go to sleep. He's been here the whole time.
Paul Scheer [00:26:42] It's like Merlin colon, the return. Like it's like.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:26:49] So that leads to June's question. Is there a merlin?
Paul Scheer [00:26:53] Merlin colon goes to Gregs. You know, like, there could be, like, one of the. I mean, but I feel like he is like he is again. He has all of his powers.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:27:07] Do you think Merlin is with the medium?
June Daine Raphael [00:27:13] Oh that's interesting.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:27:13] Merlin and the medium are a couple? Real question.
June Daine Raphael [00:27:16] First of all, I can't believe Merlin's Fred.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:27:20] So you know he fucks.
June Daine Raphael [00:27:21] So. So that's. I like everything I thought about him different now. I mean, it seems like they would get together. Who else are they talking in town?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:27:34] Although the little girl has to apologize to Merlin midway because she thought he was working for the bad guys, but she just found out they were bad guys when she saw her mom possessed by the green goo. And immediately Kate and Richie were like, we got to get in this woman's trunk and go wherever she's going. And they fight the forces of evil with a fire hose.
Paul Scheer [00:27:55] And oddly, the son comes home way late like that kid left at two in the afternoon is back at 10:30 at night.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:28:02] Everybody's like, hey, you have fun?
Paul Scheer [00:28:05] I, I want to go back to to your career for one second because when she is doing the big scientific project, they go, why don't you just kill Merlin? And she's like, I'm not a murderer. But yet she is bringing back like a sociopath who is ready to kill because that was a thing. What is the plan now? What's going on?
June Daine Raphael [00:28:28] We don't really know what she wanted to do with him.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:28:30] I don't know the rules of any of it.
June Daine Raphael [00:28:32] One thing I did appreciate about that science lab is their ability to pop up wherever, whenever. They pop up that lab.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:28:43] It's like, like a good burger joint. It's like, oh my God, it's in a truck over here. Oh, it said, oh, did you hear the burgers? They're at Stonehenge this weekend.
Paul Scheer [00:28:53] Okay, I when I saw Stonehenge in this movie, I was like, that looks weird to me. And then I googled Stonehenge. They're not in the same formation. Those rocks are different.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:29:07] I think that these rocks are different because they were damaged by the spell at the beginning, which in our reality, this. Wait, is this based on fact? Am I just now finding out that all of this happened?
Paul Scheer [00:29:25] Is the final battle of King Arthur and Mordred at Stonehenge? Yeah. No. Somebody saying yes so positively in the front and no crowd says no. No. Do we have enough? Do we know, do.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:29:41] Can I get house lights for a brief second? Is there an Arthurian scholar in the house? Don't point at someone. Let them volunteer themselves. Because my guess asshole is she doesn't want to talk. Otherwise she'd raise her own hand.
Paul Scheer [00:29:59] I don't want to put. I don't want to put the pressure on you. But can you tell us just briefly, like what this movie gets wrong, what it gets right, just kind of like. Yeah. Not all. Just just a dissertation on this. All right, I'm going to hold the mic, though. I have to hold it.
Audience Member [00:30:14] So I work at Stonehenge, and I can tell you categorically that's not Stonehenge.
Paul Scheer [00:30:18] Yeah, right. It's different.
June Daine Raphael [00:30:20] Well, I knew that wasn't.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:30:23] You work at Stonehenge? Fucking cool.
Paul Scheer [00:30:27] So it's not stone. It's not Stonehenge. Right? It's like the rocks are in a different formation. And there's not even a legend that King Arthur had a battle there? No.
Audience Member [00:30:37] It depends on. What you read in terms of mythology, but not really.
Paul Scheer [00:30:41] Okay. All right. Well, I want to know what you're. There's more.
June Daine Raphael [00:30:44] Paul, can you also can you answer if so, isn't Mordred, Arthur's illegitimate son?
Paul Scheer [00:30:55] Can anyone answer that? Okay. Yes. Okay. So from what I.
Audience Member [00:30:59] What I can recall, Arthur had an affair with Morgan Le affair. And then who was his sister? Half sister. And then they had a kid who was called Mordred.
Audience Member [00:31:12] How do you know this?
Audience Member [00:31:15] Cuz I fucking read, that's what.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:31:18] Wait, are you guys together? Yeah. We're married. You're married? And you're just now finding out he has a lot of information? Do you want to get divorced right now?
Paul Scheer [00:31:31] All right, well, you have. You have research? All right, so King Arthur is here.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:31:36] Oh, here we go.
Paul Scheer [00:31:37] Come on. Come up here. Let's let everyone see you, King Arthur.
June Daine Raphael [00:31:40] He's back.
Paul Scheer [00:31:41] Come on. Welcome, King Arthur. All right, so tell me what you know. What you know that you need to tell us about this.
Audience Member [00:31:48] Some facts is that Morgana, is the older half sister of King Arthur.
Paul Scheer [00:31:55] Okay.
June Daine Raphael [00:31:57] Mordred's mom.
Audience Member [00:31:57] Yeah. So that's the hot goss?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:31:59] That's the hot goss?
June Daine Raphael [00:32:02] All right.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:32:03] So, Mordred's mom.
Paul Scheer [00:32:04] All right, go back to your seat. All right.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:32:06] Give it up for King Arthur!
June Daine Raphael [00:32:08] Thank you, King Arthur.
Paul Scheer [00:32:11] We're getting. We're getting very specific, but brief.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:32:17] Brief. We need a Morgan from Dungeons and Dragons.
June Daine Raphael [00:32:21] This is interesting because I knew Mordred was his illegitimate son.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:32:25] You did?
June Daine Raphael [00:32:25] I did know that.
[00:32:26] From legend or from the movie?
June Daine Raphael [00:32:28] From from legend.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:32:29] Oh, okay. Okay, okay. I thought I missed it in the movie.
June Daine Raphael [00:32:30] No, it's not in the movie, but I didn't realize. What I didn't know is that Mordred's mom was his half sister.
Paul Scheer [00:32:38] So it's a family affair.
June Daine Raphael [00:32:39] Well, I guess it's just the word illegitimate. I mean, it's illegitimate in so many. It's it's it's wrong in so many ways.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:32:47] But what's so interesting then, is so Morded's mom and so. Wow. Okay. So.
June Daine Raphael [00:32:56] Morgan is the one who outs the affair between Guinevere and Lancelot, right?
Paul Scheer [00:33:02] Let me ask you a question about that before we get off on this too much. What did you think of her braids?
June Daine Raphael [00:33:09] Well, Paul, I'm so glad you asked. So at first I thought they were braids and I was very upset.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:33:19] I thought they might be dreadlocks and I was chilled.
June Daine Raphael [00:33:23] Chilled to the bone. They are neither.
Paul Scheer [00:33:25] What are they?
June Daine Raphael [00:33:26] They are. And I don't know the term for them. They are just. Just a very, very tight curl.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:33:34] Yes.
June Daine Raphael [00:33:35] Long, tight.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:33:36] Like tight spirals. Tight little spirals.
June Daine Raphael [00:33:40] Spirals that you could put a number two pencil through.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:33:44] Oh, that's where you hide your pencils and your joints.
Paul Scheer [00:33:48] Now, I will say I was disturbed by her chain mail which showed her chest, which would defeat the purpose of chain mail.
June Daine Raphael [00:33:55] I and also, I just remember her as being such a beautiful, like, figure in this story.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:34:02] It's hard to do your hair in the netherworld June.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:34:04] For 1500 years?
Paul Scheer [00:34:06] She has one curling iron.
June Daine Raphael [00:34:08] I guess I just wanted to say take your fingers and brush it out. Pull it out. It was. It was really. Honestly, I felt like the director hates this woman, and this is his way of taking something out on her.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:34:25] She and Lancelot are in the netherworld with Mordred in the forces of evil, right?
June Daine Raphael [00:34:31] Yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:34:32] They are giving not only free rein to go anywhere and do anything. Lancelot is allowed to have a sword. They what? What what?
June Daine Raphael [00:34:45] It's like a white collar prison. Yeah, it's like where Bernie Madoff was, like.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:34:52] He keeps fighting guys with a sword. And at some point, must'nt somebody be like, hey, take that fucking guy's sword away, or, hey, why don't we chain these two up?
Paul Scheer [00:35:02] Did they go? Did they also go down a sewer?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:35:06] Oh, yeah. They for sure water slide a sewer.
Paul Scheer [00:35:10] But that is like piss and shit slide.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:35:12] Oh, Arthur and Lancelot would have pinkeye for the rest of the movie.
June Daine Raphael [00:35:19] Here's the thing. That water side. I was so shocked by it because after seeing the whole movie, I look back on the water side and I'm like, they spent all of their money on the water slide like there's no other sets. There's no other. That was it. The water slide.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:35:32] For a kids movie. I'm like, okay, yeah, of course there's a water slide in the kids movie. Do the kids get near it? Absolutely not.
June Daine Raphael [00:35:40] That's for adults.
Paul Scheer [00:35:40] Also if that's where all your money goes. You use that up in the first act? Like, I mean, they they don't go down that water slide at the end, like the movie, like, starts to lose money exponentially as it goes on.
June Daine Raphael [00:35:52] That's why we had to pop up our science lab at Stonehenge.
Paul Scheer [00:35:55] Tia Carerre is writing credits on pieces of paper and just throwing them in front of the camera at the end?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:36:01] Like what? Again? What does she want? What? What would she want? She's done it. She's invented portal technology.
Paul Scheer [00:36:12] But just to the netherworld.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:36:15] Don't minimize her achievements.
Paul Scheer [00:36:18] I'm just saying.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:36:19] Paul, you know what? I think that's pretty fucking good. And I don't appreciate you trying to minimize her achievements. She's created a goddamn portal to the motherfucking nether world, and you're like, no big deal. Anybody could have done that.
Paul Scheer [00:36:34] But, I mean, if you have a hose, you can pretty much close it.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:36:37] Yeah. Okay. Yes.
June Daine Raphael [00:36:38] Okay, so let's talk about the hose in the science lab. So what's in there? First of all, what is that? Water?
Paul Scheer [00:36:47] Yeah it's a hose.
June Daine Raphael [00:36:48] I know, but, Paul, adult people, like eight adults are taken out by a garden hose.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:36:56] Powerless.
June Daine Raphael [00:36:56] Like a tiny stream of water they are taken out.
Paul Scheer [00:36:59] Let me tell you that. I work with an animal trainer on a TV show, and he was talking about, working with, like, orangutans. And he was like, you know, once an orangutan gets a grip on you and they're not going to let go. The only way that you can get them off is if you spray them with water, like in the face from a hose. He's like, so we always have to have a hose ready to fucking spray them in the face.
June Daine Raphael [00:37:23] But these are human adults, Paul.
Paul Scheer [00:37:26] Yeah, but then when you want to close another world that works, hoses work 90% of the time on any problem. Depressed, use a hose. Whatever your problem is. Use the hose.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:37:36] When the kids are faced, the kids conquer both scientific portal technology and magic with a hose. Like I want to be clear, this movie has tons of magic being used. Magic with steps, with hands, with force.
June Daine Raphael [00:37:58] With little like tasers.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:38:00] Taser magic. There's a ton of genuine motherfucking magic in this movie, plus science. And all it takes is two kids with a hose for everybody to be like, we don't know. game over.
June Daine Raphael [00:38:14] They got us.
Paul Scheer [00:38:16] Oh my gosh. I want to go out into the crowd, but I do, I do want to just. I don't have this clip, but it was one of my favorite moments. At the end of the movie, there's a big fight and someone gets hit with a sword. It's when, King Arthur throws the sword at Mordred. excalibur at Mordred. Boom. It goes in him and they cut to that mom, and she goes, oh. And it was the best because it felt real. It felt like, oh, yeah, you'd be like.
June Daine Raphael [00:38:57] Again. There are moments, I don't know if we have this clip, but we don't. I should have asked for it before, but there is a shot of Aunt Anne and and and had a very distressing haircut.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:39:08] She when I found out they were sisters and not mother and daughter.
June Daine Raphael [00:39:12] Oh, you didn't know that?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:39:14] Lost my mind.
June Daine Raphael [00:39:16] Actually, I don't know if it was her Aunt. No, it was her older sister that's right.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:39:21] Or her aunt. It would have made. Generationally, it didn't add up.
June Daine Raphael [00:39:25] Yeah. It was like the parents took a real break.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:39:29] Yes.
June Daine Raphael [00:39:30] Real break.
Paul Scheer [00:39:32] Or just working in the country ages you.
June Daine Raphael [00:39:35] That's possible too. Working at that sundry store.
Paul Scheer [00:39:38] She's working at a gas station. So all those petrol fumes, you know, come in.
June Daine Raphael [00:39:42] Well, there's a shot, though of Aunt Anne because she's also possessed by the skeleton ghosts. And there's a shot where she's standing behind Richie in the science lab where she's possessed that is genuinely one of the most terrifying things I've ever seen in all my days. It's so real. It took my breath away. So there there are glimpses. There are portals in this movie where I'm like, I want to see that movie. I want to see Aunt Anne possessed. Yes, you know, and what she did during that time. But the movie that I did see, I didn't like.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:40:29] The moment where Mordred. When when they've got them all, they've captured everybody in Mordred is like, hey, Richie, I'm gonna kill your mom. And. And that's what she says. Help me, Richie. And instead of being a fucking adult about it and being like, you get run, get out of here. And he's like, you've got to kill Merlin. And she's like, you better kill Merlin. This is some real Voldemort Draco Malfoy shit right here. This is some real this I believe J.K. Rowling watched this movie. And I was like, I got it. I'm going to do this one better.
Paul Scheer [00:41:04] All right. I'm going to go to the audience here for questions. Don't worry, King Arthur. I'll get to you. I'm going to I'm going to cap off the end of this with you. All right. So you have a question? Okay. What's your name?
Audience Member [00:41:14] Karl.
Paul Scheer [00:41:14] All right. And what's your question?
Audience Member [00:41:16] How come Lancelot sacrifices himself over and over again but it's fine?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:41:20] Yeah. Just because nobody dies in the movie.
Paul Scheer [00:41:23] They couldn't afford to have another person in the movie.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:41:26] No, I feel like in a kid's movie way, nobody really dies except the bad guy.
Paul Scheer [00:41:30] I think that they are all immortal. I mean, he's lived for 1500 years, right? So I feel like when he comes to Earth at the end, I don't know, then that wouldn't.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:41:40] But he thinks he's going to stay behind, so maybe he'll live a mortal life now, going forward.
Paul Scheer [00:41:44] But then he would have gotten killed though when he had the battle on Earth.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:41:48] I don't remember. I don't want frankly, I don't care. And sir, sir, you shouldn't care either.
Paul Scheer [00:41:55] All right. Your name and your question.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:41:56] Think about it. If your hand is raised, think about it like. Do you care about the answer? What do you need to hear?
Paul Scheer [00:42:05] All right. Your name?
Audience Member [00:42:06] Carl.
Paul Scheer [00:42:07] Carl, what's your question?
Paul Scheer [00:42:08] June mentioned this might be a sequel to something. So if you were to replace one of the kids with Phoebe Cates, could this be pitched as a sequel to Drop Dead Fred?
Paul Scheer [00:42:16] Ooh. Great question. Did Merlin even exist? Was this just a way for a boy and a girl to hide away and maybe find each other?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:42:24] Are these are all of these characters the imaginary friends of Kate and Richie? I love it.
Paul Scheer [00:42:32] All right. Your name?
Audience Member [00:42:33] Ross.
Paul Scheer [00:42:34] And your question?
Audience Member [00:42:35] Just wanted to say that most of the questions could have been answered here with your ma.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:42:41] Most of the questions could be answered with your ma?
Paul Scheer [00:42:46] Yeah. So why? Why does Lancelot not die? You're ma.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:42:51] What's Tia Carerre's plan? You're ma. You're dangerously close to a t-shirt right here.
Paul Scheer [00:43:00] What year was this made in? Your ma. All right. Yes. Your name? And your question?
Audience Member [00:43:07] Matt. So at the end of the film, Guinevere gives the kids, her wedding ring and, like, kind of winks at them suggestively. Do you think they get married and or divorced?
June Daine Raphael [00:43:18] Yeah, I didn't like that. You know, Richie, he gets knighted, and Cate gets a wedding ring and it was very distressing. I also the but what I did like about that moment is that she was very clear, like, I'm going to go back with Arthur as a queen and here's my wedding ring. It was like, oh, wow, this is an interesting take on marriage. Like I'm taking the title but none of the responsibilities.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:43:52] They are now poly.
June Daine Raphael [00:43:54] And this ring ain't no thing.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:43:56] At the very end I was going to say just a piggyback on the end. Sorry before. When the ring gets done and the kid gets knighted, I could. Does. I'm pretty sure this is right when King Arthur says we're going to go back to the other dimension, he says, besides, there's a whole new dimension out there to conquer. Yeah, don't love it, my guy. I don't love it. Like, be cool, bro. He's basically a Mordred. Well, everybody's a villain. Everybody's like, got to conquer. Must take control. And then he just turns to the kid and it's like, kneel. Didn't love that either from my guy Arthur.
Paul Scheer [00:44:35] I am in the balcony.
June Daine Raphael [00:44:37] Be careful, Paul.
Paul Scheer [00:44:39] All right, all right. I'm in the balcony. I want to talk to some balcony monsters here. Oh, nice bottle of wine. I like that they sell a full bottle of wine here.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:44:48] Are you kidding? Those people snuck it in. They're in the balcony. There's no way the balcony is buying full bottles of wine at the bar here.
Paul Scheer [00:44:55] I heard they stole it from the people downstairs while they were asking questions. All right, all right. So, what's your name? What's your question?
Audience Member [00:45:02] Brian. Well, it's more of an observation. We wondered, you talked about Tia Carerre's motivation on her grand plan. We wondered if it was, social commentary on the bureaucracy of having to fill out paperwork for a scientific grant.
June Daine Raphael [00:45:16] From what?
Audience Member [00:45:18] Because it's easier to bring back someone, a 15 year old wizard than actually fill out paperwork to do scientific research.
Paul Scheer [00:45:26] All right. So this is from a science perspective. That is.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:45:32] Is he a scientist?
Paul Scheer [00:45:33] Are you a scientist?
Paul Scheer [00:45:37] He is a doctor of philosophy.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:45:40] A doctor of philosophy? Get the fuck out of this show. Idiot. You're a doctor of philosophy, and you're in the balcony? Shame on you.
Paul Scheer [00:45:50] Of course he is. All right. All right, so now your name, your question.
Audience Member [00:45:56] My name is Suzanne. My question is, we've already said that it's not Stonehenge. It definitely didn't look like England, either. Where was it filmed?
Paul Scheer [00:46:05] South Africa. That I know. I know that for true. All right, let me go here. I'm going to go over here. Yeah. Okay, sir. Oh, my gosh. Six beer cans. All right. All right.
Audience Member [00:46:21] Easy. How are you doing?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:46:24] I love it. I love, I love that six beer cans gets an applause break.
Paul Scheer [00:46:30] And they're lined up perfectly.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:46:32] And a lot of people are down here like pussy.
Paul Scheer [00:46:36] All right. Your name.
Audience Member [00:46:37] My name is Eamon. Okay, I'd like to say a big shout out to Michael Rice who doesn't do the side.
Paul Scheer [00:46:42] Oh, yeah. There you go, I love Matt.
Audience Member [00:46:45] You said earlier on about the return. Have you seen the Sam Neill Merlin mini series? It was like two episodes.
June Daine Raphael [00:46:54] It's two episodes and they call it a mini series?
Audience Member [00:46:57] It was a hallmark kind of thing.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:46:59] From how long ago?
Audience Member [00:47:00] 1998. So this film.
June Daine Raphael [00:47:04] It is a return.
Audience Member [00:47:05] Because it was called Merlin The Return. And people thought, right. It was a follow up to that, which was amazing. And Rudhyar was in it. And lots of people, but it wasn't. It's a piece of shit.
Paul Scheer [00:47:16] So you are hypothesizing this is on the trail of a hallmark movie with Sam Neil.
June Daine Raphael [00:47:22] I'm sorry. Okay, so Fred was not in that one.
Audience Member [00:47:25] Well, I don't know. Maybe. Fred shows up.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:47:30] Wait, does everybody know the Sam Neill movie? Okay, huge. But it's good. But it's good. It's not bad. It's great. It's all right. Double thumbs up. Okay. Wow.
June Daine Raphael [00:47:42] Wow. Honestly, he did so well for six years in.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:47:48] Not for nothing. Maybe the best question. Maybe the best point of the night. Maybe the most information given tonight. And all I have to say to you is your ma.
Paul Scheer [00:47:59] All right. We do have. We do have our King Arthur to bring us home. King Arthur, you have a pages of notes, I see.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:48:06] I can't believe nobody else came in costume. Cowards.
Paul Scheer [00:48:11] All right, so what's your name? And what's your best question?
Audience Member [00:48:14] My name is Doctor Michelle.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:48:17] You're a doctor, too?
June Daine Raphael [00:48:19] Is everyone a doctor here?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:48:22] Of what?
[00:48:23] Doctor of Science, baby.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:48:24] A doctor of science?
[00:48:28] She said a doctor of science, baby which might be a shirt.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:48:32] I'm a doctor of science, baby. That's a pretty good shirt. Dot dot dot. Your ma.
Paul Scheer [00:48:40] I'm a doctor. Your ma.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:48:41] I'm a doctor of science, baby. Dot dot dot. Your my exclamation point.
Paul Scheer [00:48:46] I think it's I'm a doctor of dot dot dot your ma.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:48:49] That's pretty good too. That's pretty good too.
Paul Scheer [00:48:54] Okay. What do you got for us, doctor?
Audience Member [00:48:56] I do have a question. But first, I just want to say that today is one of the best days of my life. I. I dream of coming to this podcast live. I'm sorry. And. So I love you, June. I'm a woman of significance. I love you, I love you, Jason. I love you, Paul. I love you, Belfast.
Paul Scheer [00:49:20] We love you. And now you've set yourself. Oh, geez. Yeah. You're going to get a question. You're going to get. Don't worry, don't worry. I'm just saying that you set yourself up. This question better be good. Like, really it's got to be good. All right, here we go.
Audience Member [00:49:34] And it's a question for you, Paul.
Paul Scheer [00:49:35] Oh, for me, Jesus.
Audience Member [00:49:38] Did the character of Mordred resonate with you when he kissed his mother on the mouth?
June Daine Raphael [00:49:45] There she is.
[00:49:56] Yes!
Paul Scheer [00:49:58] Yeah. Wow. Nailed it. You did it! You did it! You did it! Wow.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:50:10] What was your name? What was your name? What's your name? Michelle. Incredible job, Michelle. Wow! Holy shit!
Paul Scheer [00:50:20] Doctor Michelle.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:50:22] Best. Best question of the tour.
Paul Scheer [00:50:29] So, so much buildup, so much anticipation. I didn't think you could do it. And you did it with a. Blew my mind. That was amazing.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:50:40] Wow. She's been sitting on that the whole show. And you must have been. That's why she wanted to go first. Because she was nervous somebody else was going to say it and then boom. That's what a Doctor of Science does.
June Daine Raphael [00:50:53] Yep.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:51:00] After the show, you better be taking pictures with her. Don't come to us.
Paul Scheer [00:51:04] I had a feeling it was going to be good. Alright. So the one person who decided to thing a second opinion, you could come on down. One person. That's it. We have one here in Belfast. It's her husband.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:51:20] Can we get some house lights up? The guy who's going to sing a song. Just give a tender kiss to Michelle.
Paul Scheer [00:51:26] Well, they are married.
[00:51:28] They're together. They. Oh, man. Belfast. You're breaking my heart.
Paul Scheer [00:51:34] Well, obviously. Wow. We've had a lot of opinions here tonight. Makes me want to watch the, Sam Neill movie. Merlin. Or sorry, Mini-Series. But, there are people out there with a different opinion. It is now time for second opinions.
Audience Member [00:51:59] All right. I'm Zoran. I'm the husband of the amazing Michelle. As you already know. When you've got Arthur and Lancelot and Merlin. Yay! And present day. This does sound like a good old fashioned fine rom, but when you do not have a script, the King's mustache has not been clipped. Then this production is doomed to bum. Leather jackets are showing. I'm connect this and we're wondering where this is going. Like Tia's career color grading a smallmouth, then hit all the VFX just look like shit. Mordred and his minions can't help to stop us from hearing second opinions. Second opinions. Oh, yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:52:48] Oh. Yes.
June Daine Raphael [00:52:54] Wonderful.
Paul Scheer [00:52:54] Great job. You go back there.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:52:55] That's right.
June Daine Raphael [00:52:56] Wonderful.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:52:59] That's right. Belfast. There are heroes among you. They live together. They're going to fuck. so hard tonight.
June Daine Raphael [00:53:06] They're hugging.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:53:11] Michelle's like yeah.
June Daine Raphael [00:53:14] There's just nothing sexier than a man introducing himself in relation to a woman.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:53:20] Yes.
June Daine Raphael [00:53:21] I loved it.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:53:23] A woman dressed as King Arthur.
June Daine Raphael [00:53:26] That's right.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:53:26] From this movie. A doctor of science, baby. Who's dressed as King Arthur from this movie. I hope they fuck with the outfit on.
June Daine Raphael [00:53:38] It's truly like it is. It is big Merlin energy she's bringing.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:53:43] That BME. That big Merlin energy.
Paul Scheer [00:53:49] I wish you made your husband paint his forehead with whatever Merlin had on there. Like that little. That little triangle. Yeah. Well, I will say the interesting thing about this was the art director of this film and maybe knowing that the budget was only 20,000 pounds, the art director of this film did win the Directors Guild Award for best Art direction on No Time to Die, The James Bond movie, and was nominated for Wonder Woman and for, The Batman with Robert Pattinson.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:54:24] Oh. So recent. Okay. Yeah. So this, this this was probably the beginning. I mean, this is like 20 some odd years ago.
Paul Scheer [00:54:31] Well, if you if you did that, he made it. He made the woods look good. There we go.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:54:37] He made the woods look good. And he made Stonehenge look like Stonehenge.
Paul Scheer [00:54:42] Stonehenge surrounded by forest. Is that true stonehenge expert? Nope. Okay, there are 152 reviews on Amazon. Not that many. 49% are five star. That's. That's pretty low. Joanne Klonowski writes "This is from Merlin fans, first of all, and we see things different. Watching this, I felt jealous that I could not have starred in it. Lighten up, people. It's fun. You should be watching Archie Bunker lol. Five stars." That's a few different avenues that they went down, right?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:55:35] Yes. Well, that. Whoa.
Paul Scheer [00:55:38] I felt jealous that I could not have starred in it.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:55:42] And you should all be watching Archie Bunker?
June Daine Raphael [00:55:46] I think the crazy thing about the first line is like, it implies that this reviewer has starred in other movies.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:55:53] Or auditioned for this movie?
Paul Scheer [00:55:56] Or, I mean, I was going to I mean, maybe this movie made Joanne Klonowski want to be an actor.
June Daine Raphael [00:56:04] Wow.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:56:05] We'll never know.
June Daine Raphael [00:56:05] Yeah.
Paul Scheer [00:56:07] Thomas Bee writes in his title, "This is not a movie."
Jason Mantzoukas [00:56:13] I don't disagree.
June Daine Raphael [00:56:14] I'm with him so far.
Paul Scheer [00:56:17] And continues by saying "It's an experience."
June Daine Raphael [00:56:22] I guess that's true.
Paul Scheer [00:56:25] "It's from a time I've never known and a place I've never been. In a life I'll never live. Watch it with your family, your friends. Watch it alone. There's no better way to spend a day. Five stars."
Jason Mantzoukas [00:56:43] Wow.
June Daine Raphael [00:56:44] Wow. There is a loneliness epidemic.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:56:49] Yeah. I can think of so many better ways to spend the day. While watching this today, I was like, there's so much I'd rather be doing.
Paul Scheer [00:56:59] At 89 minutes. You have a lot. You can still enjoy the day. I mean, really, you could put that on and get that. You can get out of the house pretty early. What I, what I do like about this is it goes it's from a time I've never known yet it is from the year 2000. They are primarily quite a bit of it.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:57:20] Quite a bit of it, you know, is from modern times.
Paul Scheer [00:57:24] And then we go to this one, which I really enjoyed from Snorpson.
June Daine Raphael [00:57:30] Snorpson.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:57:31] Snorpson.
Paul Scheer [00:57:32] Snorpson.
June Daine Raphael [00:57:35] Snorpson.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:57:35] So the son of snorp? Etymologically speaking.
Paul Scheer [00:57:40] I love the Smurfs. I love the snorps, and I love Snorps. "Fucking amazing movie. The wife and kids hate it, but I don't know why. It's my favorite movie right now." He wrote this in 2022. "Only one minus star because there were no kittens."
Jason Mantzoukas [00:58:15] I want to say. Are you done?
Paul Scheer [00:58:16] No.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:58:17] Please go.
Paul Scheer [00:58:19] "Truly, my favorite thing is the HARDCORE male friendships." Then in all caps. "I wear the same tidy whiteys as Merlin! What the fuck was that ending though? Why would Guin say that? Unsettling. I will force my family to rewatch this movie until the day I die. Five stars."
Jason Mantzoukas [00:58:58] Holy shit. What's crazy about that. What's crazy about that is it's insane on every level. And yet someone loves Snorpson in enough to marry him and carry his children. Like this person has a family. What? What am I doing wrong?
June Daine Raphael [00:59:25] I do love the idea of hardcore male friendships. Oh, I love it. I don't know what it means, but I love it.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:59:33] But it's important to Snorpson.
June Daine Raphael [00:59:35] So important.
June Daine Raphael [00:59:37] And who are the hardcore male friendships in this movie? Lancelot and Arthur?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:59:42] No. Well, I mean, they come. They come back to being friends.
June Daine Raphael [00:59:45] Hardcore male friends.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:59:46] They have to have a fight first. Your ma. It's. It's it's pretty. Thank you for that, by the way. It's really a great tag.
Paul Scheer [01:00:04] All right, I will say the one thing that is right about this movie. No one brought this up. Okay, this is one of the few live action productions based on Arthurian legend, which the actor portraying Merlin is younger than the actor playing King Arthur.
June Daine Raphael [01:00:25] Actor playing Merlin.
Paul Scheer [01:00:26] So I think that Merlin is. I think they often cast Merlin as an old wizard.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:00:31] Merlin is kind of like the Gandalf of those stories, so much so that he even has to find his pipe in this.
June Daine Raphael [01:00:39] Will if you cast Fred, you I mean, he's timeless, essentially.
Paul Scheer [01:00:44] Did Merlin know?
Jason Mantzoukas [01:00:45] Also Merlin? I mean, maybe maybe I'll give you that. People in the netherworld don't age because it's a different dimension. But Merlin is here on Earth for 1500 years and does not age one second. Is that just magic?
June Daine Raphael [01:01:01] Sure.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:01:01] It's your ma.
June Daine Raphael [01:01:03] It's your ma.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:01:05] We've empowered you too much, and I've. We've given you a weapon that is too good. It's that. That your ma is like the Excalibur of this show. You pulled it from a rock, ma'am.
Paul Scheer [01:01:19] All right. Would you recommend this movie?
June Daine Raphael [01:01:22] Oof.
[01:01:24] Now I'll ask the audience first. Would you recommend anyone watching this movie who's listening to the podcast?
Audience [01:01:32] No!
Jason Mantzoukas [01:01:32] I'm hearing no.
Paul Scheer [01:01:34] Anyone that would. Yeah, yeah. The guy up there?
Jason Mantzoukas [01:01:38] Like, maybe six people, maybe six.
Paul Scheer [01:01:41] And one of them is the guy who drinks six beers. Now. Jason. June. I want to hear your opinion, but I also want you to know that I may have a very big surprise for you, but here we go.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:01:52] It was tough. It was very tough. I will say it was a tough watch. I was confounded and confused throughout. For the podcast. Sure. Watch it. Do you need to? Absolutely not. Because it's straight nuts.
June Daine Raphael [01:02:07] Yeah, I, I, I guess if you're going to watch it, like, be doing something else, you know, fold your laundry, do a crossword, like, don't go head on with this thing. Don't take it on like a one on one because, yeah, it's not safe to consume it that way. But it is something. Here's what I'll say. It's something to see.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:02:33] It's a movie.
June Daine Raphael [01:02:35] Is it?
Paul Scheer [01:02:36] I am going to say this controversial opinion, but sticking with who I am as a person, while I thought Merlin was good. It was Mordred's movie. It is Team Mordred.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:02:51] Wow.
Paul Scheer [01:02:52] I am Team Mordred. More. Mordred.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:02:56] Wow. That's a real heel turn for you. I love that.
June Daine Raphael [01:03:01] That's interesting, Paul.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:03:03] I'm not. I'm not mad at it. I'm not mad it.
June Daine Raphael [01:03:06] Is it because he made out with his mom?
Paul Scheer [01:03:11] Thank you, Belfast! Give it up for Jason. Give it up for June.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:03:16] Give it up for Paul Scheer!
Paul Scheer [01:03:18] Thank you so much, Belfast. Once again, give it up for your hometown. Matthew Rice. Beth Thomas our stage manager. Thank you so much!
Paul Scheer [01:03:29] And that concludes our first ever show in Belfast. Thanks so much to everyone who came out to see us live. The staff at Ulster Hall. Our tour manager Beth Thomas and our recording engineer, Matt Rice. All right, people, we have a great t shirt here. But you know what? I also want to tell you about a great book that I wrote. A New York Times best selling book, thanks to you. Joyful Recollections of Trauma is now available in Canada, UK, all across the United States. You can get it, anywhere that you get your books and your audio books. I appreciate it, recommend it, review it. It really, really helps. And you know what? I want to now tell you about t shirts. The shirt that we made for this episode says I'm a doctor of Your Ma, which has a picture of all star audience member Michelle dressed as King Arthur. You can buy this shirt and every other shirt that we've made at Teepublic.com/stores/HDTGM. And let me let you know that this weekend we are going to be in Boston. That's right on Father's Day. Come see us. We would love to see you there, Boston. And guess what. We're putting, Balcony monster tickets on sale right now. We're going to be actually doing the movie Communion, which is from my book Joyful Recollections of Trauma. And then we're going to be at the Nantucket Film Festival on Thursday, June 20th. The movie is a shark film called Bait. Go to HDTGM.com to get tickets for both shows. And as always, if you have a correction or an omission from this episode, leave me a voicemail at 619-PAUL-ASK or write a comment on our discord at Discord.gg/HDTGM. Then make sure to tune into next week's Last Looks follow up episode on Merlin The Return to hear me respond to your messages and announce our next movie and chat with Jason about all sorts of fun stuff. Remember, if you listen on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, please make sure that you are subscribed to our feed and you have automatic downloads turned on in the show settings. It helps us and we appreciate it so much. And last but not least, I have to thank our entire team who this show couldn't be done without. I'm talking about our producer Scott Sonne, Molly Reynolds, our movie picking producer Avril Halley, and our engineer Cassie Holford, and our associate producer, Jess Cisneros. That's all I got, people. We'll see you next week for Last Looks. Bye for now.