We're celebrating Hot Shark Summer all July and kicking things off with 2002's Shark Attack 3: Megalodon—a movie that asks, "What if Jaws happened in Porky's?" LIVE from London, the HDTGM crew discuss the best line in cinema history, the comically large momma shark, the bonkers VFX shots, the mystery of the groping hand, and so much more. Plus, June revisits her thoughts on male tea drinkers and our second opinion singer from our Beekeeper episode attempts to redeem himself.
We're celebrating Hot Shark Summer all July and kicking things off with 2002's Shark Attack 3: Megalodon—a movie that asks, "What if Jaws happened in Porky's?" LIVE from London, the HDTGM crew discuss the best line in cinema history, the comically large momma shark, the bonkers VFX shots, the mystery of the groping hand, and so much more. Plus, June revisits her thoughts on male tea drinkers and our second opinion singer from our Beekeeper episode attempts to redeem himself.
Paul Scheer [00:00:01] Jaws could never eat pussy like this. We saw Shark Attack 3: Megalodon. So you know what that means.
Music [00:00:18] [Intro Song]
Paul Scheer [00:01:16] Hello people of Earth. And hello people of London! We are live at the Happy Empire, and I can't wait to talk about this film that shocked me so many times. But truly, the biggest shock came when someone pulled out a cell phone. I was like, wait a second. A Razer phone? Yes, this movie was made in 2002, if you can believe it. And what's the premise? Well, if you've seen The Meg, that's it. But if you've not seen The Meg, I will say, have you seen Jaws? And if you've not seen either one of those, I will say this. It is about a small resort who comes under attack from a baby megalodon, who they think is a big problem, and then they encounter a comically large shark, a shark that looks like if it opens its mouth, it could swallow a Tyrannosaurus rex. Yes, it's a dinosaur shark movie. It's got everything you want and a lot of things you don't. Tonight we are going to break it all down. So don't stand in knee deep water because you're bound to get eaten. Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to break down this movie with my two co-hosts. Please welcome to the stage, Mr. Jason Mantzoukas.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:02:59] What's up, jerks?! That's right, London. Here we go. Big shark movie. Wow wow, wow. We did it, London. We sat at our hotel today and we watched this movie. It was so loud that I was concerned for the people around me. The rooms next to me being like, boom, boom, boom. Cut it out. The ADR is terrible in this movie.
Paul Scheer [00:03:31] They didn't even try. This movie. If I, who have never done, a sound for any film, I could probably do it a little bit better than what this movie did.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:03:42] We could all put ourselves our heads together tonight. Re-ADR. Re-foley this whole movie and it would make more sense and it would be a more satisfying experience. But boy, was I delighted to see captain Jack Harkness. That's right. From Doctor Who rolling into this. I mean, with I. And we're going to get to it because when when he delivers a certain line.
Music [00:04:10] Wow.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:04:11] Which I have in my notes, bold and underlined. I was like this is the best piece of film writing in history.
Paul Scheer [00:04:23] The movie will get you any which way.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:04:27] A line that I'm going to try and use tonight. That's right. Get ready. London. Let's get this show started.
Paul Scheer [00:04:39] That's right. Please welcome my other co-host June Diane Raphael. Welcome, June. How are you?
June Diane Raphael [00:05:01] I'm okay. How are you, Paul?
Paul Scheer [00:05:03] I'm doing well. Thank you for asking. Shark attack three.
June Diane Raphael [00:05:08] So here. Okay, so I want to just start by saying it's wild because Jason informed me that we've been doing the podcast for 14 years. And I said that's crazy. But also when a movie like this comes along.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:05:24] A movie in which I didn't realize until you played it, there was nudity in the trailer, thank you Shark Attack three.
June Diane Raphael [00:05:33] I was truly like, wow, we have so much more work to do. We have work.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:05:43] So there's a certain joy in that. But there is, boy, a real heartbreak. Like there is so much more we need to get through.
June Diane Raphael [00:05:51] Yeah. And to take a movie like this overseas, you know, to present ourselves with this is so tough. Yeah. And yet it's so us. Yeah. You know, it's so who we are.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:06:03] For you guys to spend money to come and see this?
Paul Scheer [00:06:07] Oh, well, we made we have to hold them accountable. You produced, John Barrowman. So that's it. We are not going to let you get away with this.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:06:18] I believe it was Scotland that produced John Barrowman.
Paul Scheer [00:06:20] Doesn't make a difference. We'll take it. It was true. It is Scotland.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:06:24] Don't cheer for Scotland. They'll cheer for themselves in two nights. When we're there.
Paul Scheer [00:06:28] I will say this, John Barrowman looks to me like a young Tom Cruise in this movie.
June Diane Raphael [00:06:37] He does.
Paul Scheer [00:06:37] And I feel like he has chemistry with everybody. I mean, I feel like this is a town where everyone's fucking and drinking out of small styrofoam cups.
June Diane Raphael [00:06:48] Now, what I want to talk about for roughly the next two hours is the moment where he brings over a coffee cup to his first mate. And that first mate. Well, first, just his order in general. He gets two cups of coffee from a from a bar.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:07:06] No tops. No covers. No lids.
June Diane Raphael [00:07:08] No lids. No covers, no lids. And also. But Jason, he was also at a bar. Yeah. Which probably serves soft drinks. So he gets two coffee cups. He drops off one to a guy, we'll only see one other time when he's having sex in the water, and then fights and kills a shark, a tiger shark? That's over there for right now, but he gives one cup of coffee to that guy, and then he gives another cup of coffee to the guy he works with, and then he takes a Coke from him.
Paul Scheer [00:07:42] That's island currency.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:07:44] I couldn't figure it out either. I agree.
Paul Scheer [00:07:46] That's the way things work on the island. You bring coffee. It's like all trading. It's like I'll give you a cup of coffee. You give me a boat, you know, I'll go over here. I was also just. I love the the fun, witty repartee because this is a movie where nothing makes sense, but everyone laughs like they're having the time of their lives.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:08:04] Oh, so much performative laughter, as if it is able to stitch scenes and lines together.
June Diane Raphael [00:08:15] It's honestly like it's underscoring.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:08:17] Oh, it is constant.
June Diane Raphael [00:08:19] People are laughing and it they seem psychotic.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:08:22] Especially, I will say, especially in that first opening scene. That first series of little scenelits that we have where he's delivering the coffees, they're going out to sea. They're just talking about who's fucking who and what's up with this and that, and it's all just like hahahaha.
Paul Scheer [00:08:38] Well, I mean, it was where one of my favorite lines in the movie, not my ultimate favorite line in the movie, but one of my favorite lines in the movie where he goes, well, hey, you're because you're my bitch. And he's like, you wish. It's like, oh, what? What is that? Let's unpack that.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:08:53] Yeah, or but you're an ass man and you do anything for that ass, I would hahahahaha. What?
Paul Scheer [00:09:01] This movie, this movie is ADR'd like a kung fu film. But if you watch their lips, they're saying that. They're not. This is not ADR.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:09:12] Some of it's ADR though, because sometimes people are talking when they're clearly have scuba things in their mouth.
June Diane Raphael [00:09:18] And then sometimes the ADR, like the makeout scene between the woman in the on the beach and that guy when they're in the water together, skinny, skinny dipping. They loop a woman's voice to her, that woman's body and face, and she goes eeeeuuugghhhuuughh.
Paul Scheer [00:09:41] Look, I'm going to go there and say they put the voice of, of a black man in an old white man's body and it really fucked me up. He is the security guard at the museum. I was like, this is upsetting to me. These don't connect. These things.
June Diane Raphael [00:10:01] Paul, I will be to the end of my days, haunted. Haunted by the fact that our leading lady gives that man a kiss on the cheek at the end of that scene.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:10:16] What was that? She kisses the security guard who's like, you're working late. She's like, gotta keep up with the work. Smooch Like she should be reported.
Paul Scheer [00:10:29] What?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:10:29] He is. She's in a position of power over him. This is dangerous.
Paul Scheer [00:10:34] And what is she, by the way? Is she a paleontologist? Is she marine biologist? She looks like she deals with dinosaurs, but she's also, like.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:10:41] Also felt like a villain to me for the first half of the movie. And then I'm like, wait a minute.
June Diane Raphael [00:10:45] Many times.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:10:46] I think we're rooting for her?
June Diane Raphael [00:10:47] I thought, for sure. See? And I still don't know, but I thought for sure. She's a paleontologist at a museum by day, but by night she's trying to sell a reality show and cut together this footage to make a giant sell off the backs of prehistoric creatures who have come back. Seems like it. I was truly like. That's the only thing that makes sense.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:11:10] I couldn't understand what her end game was. Was it to be the person that discovered a living thought to be extinct animal, and the glory that would come from that? Or is she just is there a is there something more nefarious?
[00:11:22] I mean, but she's also just a woman who works in a museum, a paleontologist. She's a paleontologist who works at a museum, who at night trolls shark reddit. Oh, like why? I don't even get that connection.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:11:36] Do you have a clip that is shark mystery shark mystery? Or a mystery shark mystery shark mystery shark. You know what I'm talking about?
Paul Scheer [00:11:45] Three. I believe this is the clip that you're requesting. Clip three mystery shark Google search.
Paul Scheer [00:11:55] Shark teeth.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:11:58] And if you don't know. Oh, no. This is him. Oh, this is this is captain Jack. And just to make sure he's got to hold it right next to it. No. When she then goes to look up,
Paul Scheer [00:12:07] Watch this though, takes a picture.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:12:09] This is nuts.
Paul Scheer [00:12:10] Not that anything. Not connected to a goddamn thing.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:12:14] We don't hang this tech now.
Paul Scheer [00:12:18] Mystery shark.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:12:19] Mystery shopper. Love it. Why is it centered and large?
Paul Scheer [00:12:26] Also he goes, any suggestions? Anyone? Anyone? Just posted it.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:12:31] She sees it and it's mystery shark spelled m-i-s-t-e-r-y.
June Diane Raphael [00:12:37] I saw that.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:12:37] And then it cuts. It reverses onto her, reverses back to the computer screen. Spelled correctly. I saw it. What are we doing, guys?
June Diane Raphael [00:12:46] Here's my question. Oh. Does she okay. Is that a web site? She seems to receive his message. Okay, because she seems to receive his message as an email.
Paul Scheer [00:13:00] Well, yeah, I think that the like, the way that they show the internet here is slightly flawed.
June Diane Raphael [00:13:06] No.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:13:08] I think the way they show boats is flawed. I think the way they show the ocean is flawed because when, not to spoil anything but there is a mama shark, a mama megalodon in this movie who comes in and appears to growl like a bear while underwater. Like rah rah rah rah.
Paul Scheer [00:13:30] They're like, you know that the director is like, can we make the shark have some sound? It's like, you know, in space movies, there shouldn't be any sound in like, laser battles. But people put it in, so it's exciting and they're like, we need to make this more exciting. We just can't have a shark attack. We need to, like, amp it up. Let's get that bear noise. Let's get Chewbaca in here. It's wild.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:13:52] This movie is like Jaws. Obviously. It's like Jaws, but it's like, what if Jaws happened to Porky's?
Paul Scheer [00:14:00] Which is a movie I was in called Piranha 3D. That. But it really. Yeah. And Piranha 3DD.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:14:10] So good. But it's like when the old man, the very old man, is fishing in the very beginning. Yes. And I believe the captain of the boat is fingering his wife.
June Diane Raphael [00:14:21] That's his wife?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:14:22] He's like, whoa, whoa. And they're like here.
Paul Scheer [00:14:29] That. That captain is so positive that that man will be so connected to marlin fishing that he will never even.
June Diane Raphael [00:14:41] Okay, see? That's interesting. I didn't read that. I thought that the captain.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:14:47] Brought his girlfriend?
June Diane Raphael [00:14:48] I thought that that was just a woman. Because women in this movie.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:14:52] Well it is a woman.
June Diane Raphael [00:14:55] But there are women in this movie who are in scenes, don't speak, never introduced to anyone, and things happen to them sexually. And we don't know where the hands are coming from. We don't know who's the.
Paul Scheer [00:15:09] The mystery hand.
June Diane Raphael [00:15:17] So when I saw that woman, when I saw that woman on the boat, I thought, everybody's just fucking here. Yeah, like people are fucking at work. People are fucking.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:15:28] So you're saying every boat from this Marina has a fuck couple?
June Diane Raphael [00:15:31] Thought so I did not realize that that was that guy's wife.
Paul Scheer [00:15:35] Well, that was the what I assumed. Again, exposition is not really doled out here in any way. I mean, the, the the grand part of. The most we learn is about this line of, like, fiber optic cables, like that's the most information which if you do any research on fiber optic cables, they don't give out electricity. So the entire premise of the film is wrong.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:16:04] Especially, I will say when this movie has to show any kind of, especially with shark attacks, action, it becomes undecipherable filmmaking. It is absolute chaos of cuts, bubbles, water footage, cut cut teeth, deep, deep right here. Oh, and it is just a you can't tell the geography of any of these.
[00:16:30] One time the camera's in the mouth because the teeth are in front of the camera. Yeah.
June Diane Raphael [00:16:34] That's why I was so confused about the shiger. The shiger?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:16:39] Are you okay?
June Diane Raphael [00:16:39] No.
Paul Scheer [00:16:41] Well, I like where you're going. By the way, June, Shark Attack 4: Shiger. Is that a tiger shark?
June Diane Raphael [00:16:47] It is the tiger shark with the skinny dipping couple. Yeah. I didn't know what happened. What happened? What the. The. The shark was dead at the end of that scene. What happened? What transpired? Who ripped who? I, I could not make.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:17:09] I don't think we have an answer is the answer.
June Diane Raphael [00:17:12] A shark was killed during that scene.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:17:14] I think it died of natural causes. I think it saw them fucking underwater, which you should not do. Don't do it. You guys up there, you want to bad the balconies like you can't stop us. We fuck wherever we want.
Paul Scheer [00:17:32] But I but I want to break that down. Because it seems to be that this movie posits that tiger sharks can be killed with a solid punch in the head. Because that's what happened.
June Diane Raphael [00:17:43] That's what happened?
Paul Scheer [00:17:44] Well, yeah. So the tiger shark is going it's not going to hurt anybody unless you're a small fish. Like that's what they say. Even though that seem like a scary looking shark. And then he says that but still opens its mouth and then compares teeth. Yep. Not that one. You already said it's not that one. It couldn't have been like. Like he's like, yeah, all right. But he's a terrible detective.
June Diane Raphael [00:18:06] Well, I mean, he's not he's not one.
Paul Scheer [00:18:09] Well what is he? Because I don't know, because at one point he's like, let's go kill it. He has no job.
[00:18:14] He's like a fuck boy security guard at the resort.
Paul Scheer [00:18:16] But he's like, let's go kill a shark. That doesn't seem to me like.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:18:19] Oh, I don't know what he thinks he's up to the task. Yeah, that's just hubris.
June Diane Raphael [00:18:26] He's sort of like a renegade Sea Patroller where he. He is responsible, I think, just for the waters of that resort and that resort only.
Paul Scheer [00:18:37] And they do have a thing where. Oh, wait, this is later on. Okay. Sorry. I like where he is. He's like, don't we have the best job? All we have to do is just patrol the waters here. Like they say that in exposition. But just in case, we were confused about what his job was.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:18:51] And they also have to be like, don't. We shouldn't go over there and do that because that's away from our jurisdiction. Or the manager wants us to stay here. And we they went like further out and they got in trouble for it.
Paul Scheer [00:19:03] But it's not an area where sharks seem to be attacking. So what are they protecting the people from?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:19:09] Who fucking knows? Chlamydia? Waterboy chlamydia?
Paul Scheer [00:19:16] I also, just before you get too far past it, when we do meet our San Diego, our San Diego scientists.
June Diane Raphael [00:19:23] That's where all science happens. It's in San Diego, California.
Paul Scheer [00:19:27] History museums in the United States. In San Diego, when he goes to San Diego, there's a sign, or she's in. Sorry. When she's in the museum, there's a sign it says exhibit premier. But it also seems like she's in the room where the exhibit will be. So I was wondering, like, shouldn't that sign be on the outside of the museum? Not in the room. It would be like. It would be like putting a premiere poster inside the movie theater instead on the outside.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:19:59] I believe it. Like I like that. But that to me is what this movie is like. I feel like they got the every prop they could together, and instead of putting them all in their place, they put it all in one room, put it in everything.
Paul Scheer [00:20:12] Like the Navy man's room? Which is just an Airbnb.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:20:16] Yes, yes.
Paul Scheer [00:20:18] The navy man's apartment, which becomes a war room with George W Bush on the wall.
June Diane Raphael [00:20:26] And Dick Cheney. At a certain point in the movie, I was like, George W Bush and Dick Cheney are so heavily featured. Like I was like, oh, they are sponsoring this movie. Like they are, they have they must be producers.
Paul Scheer [00:20:42] I was like this, but also shook me about this movie was, yes, it's 2002. This is a post 9/11 world.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:20:50] Whoa. What? No.
June Diane Raphael [00:20:52] It's not 2002.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:20:53] This is no way 2002, is it?
June Diane Raphael [00:20:55] No. No.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:20:59] You're fucking blowing my mind.
June Diane Raphael [00:21:02] No, because her eyebrows are 1993 to 1995. There's no way those eyebrows are from the 2000s.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:21:12] Her water shirt. Whatever. Whatever that red shirt is.
June Diane Raphael [00:21:15] I wanted to talk about her cargo pants. Oh, that were featured.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:21:19] When he's checking out her ass, she's wearing beige cargo pants. I was like, what are you seeing?
June Diane Raphael [00:21:27] It's sort of like ill fitting and have about seven pockets.
Paul Scheer [00:21:32] I thought that was character. I thought that was character building. That guy is such an ass, man. He doesn't care. Yeah, like, give it to me.
June Diane Raphael [00:21:41] I truly was like. Where do you see it?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:21:44] Close up on it. They're like, baby, baby, baby bro. Like, we are getting his point of view, and it's like beige pants. Just like blousy beige cargo pants.
June Diane Raphael [00:21:55] Ill-fitting, and also there were. Did anyone else see this or did I make it up in my mind? Like five pockets on the back of the pants.
Paul Scheer [00:22:03] A lot of pockets.
June Diane Raphael [00:22:04] A lot of pocket pockets.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:22:06] She had, like, a Deadpool amount of pockets and pouches.
June Diane Raphael [00:22:11] But yeah, there's just no way those eyebrows were in the 2000s like you didn't. I don't know. It must have been shot earlier.
Paul Scheer [00:22:19] He's the president. If he's the president. He only was the president 2001, right?
June Diane Raphael [00:22:25] Good point. That's a good point.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:22:27] Stop! Okay, Paul, stop screaming at us.
Paul Scheer [00:22:31] And if we would have stuck with him just a little bit longer.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:22:34] Oh, what?
Paul Scheer [00:22:35] Sorry. When we're over here I can talk my mind about politics.
[00:22:40] Paul, very. Paul, backstage. Very pro-brexit. Very pro-Brexit.
June Diane Raphael [00:22:45] We couldn't have stuck with him any longer.
Paul Scheer [00:22:50] He should have come back again. Here's what I'll say. She needs all those pockets for her consumer camera that she's. She's out there trying to prove a dinosaur exists with a camera that you would buy at any local store.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:23:05] Like she has a digital camera that, I swear to God, has 1.5 megapixels.
Paul Scheer [00:23:12] Not even a zoom!It's just flat.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:23:16] The guy that she's with has a TV camera from the 1970s.
June Diane Raphael [00:23:20] Yeah, this. I just don't understand how this movie was made in the 2000. Wow. I don't I mean, it's that's making me feel a lot of different things.
Paul Scheer [00:23:30] I mean, that this is a terrible plan to capture footage of this shark on a small boat. They're like, hey, there's a chance the world's biggest shark is out there. Let's take the small boat out there with my consumer camera. The camera from the 70s. See what happens. It'll be fine, right? Oh, yeah. Let's get in as close to the boat as we can. They hide. They're too busy high fiving. The shark is a foot away. "Yeah. We go. Oh, fuck." Yeah. Like, they're like, they should. They should have gotten the fuck out of there.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:24:00] Also and not. And this is a real question.
June Diane Raphael [00:24:03] Okay.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:24:04] How were they able to travel with shotguns and crossbows? If you're indeed telling me it's post 9/11. I mean, I can't get on with a tiny pair of scissors.
June Diane Raphael [00:24:15] I think they're just coming from San Diego. I think they drove.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:24:17] Yeah. Oh, probably.
Paul Scheer [00:24:21] I also, went at this shark and again, I'm confused about what shark we're seeing. I think we're mostly seeing.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:24:29] The small shark like a 15 foot baby.
Paul Scheer [00:24:32] Okay, so we only see the tiger shark once.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:24:34] For that. Okay. That tiger shark is a full misdirect.
Paul Scheer [00:24:37] Okay, so in that time, this giant ass shark seems to swim in four feet of water? Like this shark does. Most of its attacking, right? Like people are still standing.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:24:53] Right at the spot where the water slide lets off. Yeah, like the the sloppy makeout couple who find their way to the top of the waterslide tower only to go down. I was like, what on earth is this?
Paul Scheer [00:25:04] Well, the other couple that are fucking in the water, well, they're standing.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:25:09] Doesn't it seem like they're at a kind of like a hedonism or some sort of fuck resort? Because everybody's horny. Everybody's fucking at the party. There's a crazy band playing.
Paul Scheer [00:25:19] Oh, the band. A woman who has balls on her dress?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:25:21] Every. Yes, every big, every wide shot features children prominently. And I was like, what?
June Diane Raphael [00:25:32] Well, here's the thing. And this is where this is. What's so hard about the movie is I feel like they threw children in every shot, a beach shot, because they were like, we have to make sure that the audience, like, doesn't want these people to be eaten by sharks. And as the movie went on and on, I was rooting for every person on screen to be eaten by a shark. Yeah. I was so excited. When those rich assholes were getting eaten by the big one, I was like, eat em all.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:26:01] When the mama shark comes out finally and swallows whole boats like up pill like it not chewing it all. Just like, oh, like a fucking vitamin.
June Diane Raphael [00:26:17] I loved it.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:26:19] Boat after boat after boat.
Paul Scheer [00:26:20] And jet ski.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:26:21] Get em, get it.
June Diane Raphael [00:26:22] Get em all.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:26:23] And the only person who lives, thank God is the dog.
Paul Scheer [00:26:29] They clearly did not have too many stunt coordinators because everyone falling off that big boat is jumping. They're all jumping off that boat.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:26:38] Oh, and that scene. If they hadn't used Slowmo for that scene, it would have been 15 seconds long and I timed it. It's 38 minutes of them in slo mo. People just jumping off the boat, just like me, me me me me me. It is crazy.
Paul Scheer [00:26:57] The most nerve wracking moment I had. It's not the shark attacks, it was watching all those actors balance on choppy water. Because they're always on these boats and they're like, they're, they're holding. They're they're all like, walking up stair.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:27:13] The only person that I did not want to get eaten by the shark truly is the para sailor. The woman who's who who's parasailing. That I will say that was the only sequence of them was so good. That worked. Especially when the shark started diving and drawing her towards the water. I was like, yes, now you're getting it. Now you understand how tension works. Not just chop chop, chop chop.
Paul Scheer [00:27:40] But but they make a terrible decision there. There's a man in a boat who seems to have hit his head there. Let's stop for him. Yeah. First deal with him. While a woman is being dragged out to sea to be eaten. Stop the boat, everybody, we gotta get him. You. You have. Okay. By the.
June Diane Raphael [00:27:58] That happens multiple times in the movie. Later on with one of the camera crew members, Davis Davey?.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:28:04] Who knows?
June Diane Raphael [00:28:06] He also falls and hits his head.
Paul Scheer [00:28:07] You mean, Nikolai Sodrov?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:28:09] Yeah. That guy, he also falls, I think, and hits his head on the boat and is.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:28:14] knocks himself unconscious. But that's in the scene where the shark is able to burst, breach the cabin, which I think to the level the shark reaches the cabin. I believe the boat would be at the bottom of the ocean in seconds.
Paul Scheer [00:28:28] He the shark has most of its body inside.
June Diane Raphael [00:28:32] Yeah, that's what's so confusing. It's like the water is filling up so slowly.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:28:37] It's not. It's not even.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:28:39] It barely is.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:28:40] It's not even filling up. The shark. It's almost like the shark's entrance has sealed off the boat, sealed itself around the boat.
Paul Scheer [00:28:48] And meanwhile, John Barrowman, God bless him, "Die, die, die!"
June Diane Raphael [00:28:56] "God damn you."
Jason Mantzoukas [00:28:58] There's so many shots in the movie where none of the. For him, for other people. Especially in that scene where you can tell they don't have a shark, they don't have anything practical in the scene really that so they're just saying things to nothing. You can feel it be you can feel it being nothing in front of them and how differently they're reacting to it. Pretty satisfied.
Paul Scheer [00:29:19] But they also there is like a thing where I feel like I watched an actor who was like, all right, so in this you kick the shark in the face and say, die, and then we'll move on and there's like action, die, die, die. And the director is like, keep it going, keep it going, die, die like the energy is dread. Die, die, die.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:29:40] I felt like they used every scrap of film they shot in this movie because so much of it is bad. And I'm like, they should have cut that, right? I don't think they legally could.
Paul Scheer [00:29:53] I mean, I think that they literally shot in that woman's apartment that she was staying in during the shooting of that film. Sorry, it's a mess. I'm trying to quit smoking. And I was like, so you're binge eating? Is that what you're covering up? Because her apartment is full of candy wrappers.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:30:08] I loved in this scene with the shark breaches the cabin, she manages to get her shotgun out. They shoot the shark, they kill it, and she goes, your extinct fucker. As if the shark had told her, she was extinct, as if the shark had said, you're extinct, bitch. Like it's Freddy Krueger or something. Like you're extinct, bitch. And she's like, you're extinct, fucker. Like, does she speak with the sharks?
June Diane Raphael [00:30:38] Honestly, shark. Honestly, what's going on with her entire narrative is so fascinating because she. It seems like she only starts to value that, like human life in general when the parasailer dies in her fingers, basically. And she's left with her necklace because before then, although she is able to, like, tell us a lot about what these sharks are capable of. She doesn't seem to care at all.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:31:10] Even after people are killed in front of her, because the the woman who's parasailing is connected to a boat with two, you know, guys in it who were, like, taking her parasailing. They are also wasted. Yep. And we watched them get chomped to death. We watch everybody. She watches like, 3 to 4 people get killed. And it's not until she has that moment with the parasailing woman who she has so many. What we learn about cat, what we learn about cat, both in this scene and in the trying to climb the ladder scene, is she has no grip strength. None. She can't get the woman up.
June Diane Raphael [00:31:47] But that's why I started to question Ben as well, because I was like, she can't get this woman out of the water. Do you want to step in, buddy?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:31:55] Nope. Let her let her take like that. They are. This is a bad idea, Brigade. Every step of the way. Getting on that ladder should have brought down the helicopter. Like it was so poorly. First of all, we know there's no helicopter. Because every time they cut to the helicopter control panel, it was like a joystick.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:32:14] It was like it's the same joystick in the sub. Same joystick painted. And all the external helicopter shots are VFX. Yeah. And I was like, when I saw that, I was like, fuck yes, the shark is going to jump up and eat the helicopter, which would have been great.
Paul Scheer [00:32:33] All I wanted was that, but I guess it was a good guy thing.
June Diane Raphael [00:32:36] Can I ask a question? This is going to this is going to be maybe a dumb question, but the submarine that's.
Paul Scheer [00:32:45] Baby sub?
June Diane Raphael [00:32:46] The baby vessel that's, like the beach that I think.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:32:51] Yellow Submarine? That one that they all live in that one.
June Diane Raphael [00:32:56] It is actually more spacious than you think, though.
Paul Scheer [00:32:59] It seemed like they had a lot of room.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:33:01] I think we all remember that sub that imploded a few year, last year. This sub is way better than that.
Paul Scheer [00:33:09] Looked like it was controlled by the same device though.
June Diane Raphael [00:33:12] So what are we to understand that apex International Security's whatever that organization is that this submarine is leaving from the beach?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:33:25] We see it.
June Diane Raphael [00:33:26] The resort beach.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:33:28] When captain Jack Harkness is bringing the coffee to his buddy. Or is it in that scene or another scene? He sees the old, old, old MAGA man and he's like, hey, I want to drive that sub someday. And he's like, you could do it. And then the other guy in the sub is like, you're going to let him drive? And he's like, he's got the instinct or whatever. He says. There's a whole back and forth in the sub is if you went to a resort and you were like, I want to rent a canoe or a paddle board, and what is that submarine?
June Diane Raphael [00:33:56] Submarine.
Paul Scheer [00:33:59] Maybe that's how that guy arrived. I don't know why the Navy has an active presence there anyway.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:34:06] Is he active service?
June Diane Raphael [00:34:08] He's not active service. He's. I believe he is retired.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:34:12] Is he our Quint?
Paul Scheer [00:34:13] He. Yes, but he is working for Apex and June, just because you brought up apex, I do want to talk about it. Apex has. If you are a graphic designer, this is how you should not make a logo where your A is pointing down like the. It's like a stock crashing is the way the A is.
June Diane Raphael [00:34:38] It's pointing to the microfibers.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:34:40] The minute when he says and they're like, well, how are you going to get into the computer system? And he say, or he says basically, well, not until I start hacking. And I was like, I'm so sorry, grandpa, are you thinking you're going to hack? And then.
June Diane Raphael [00:34:57] But he does hack.
Paul Scheer [00:34:58] But he hacks like this, but he hacks like.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:35:01] Narrating it too.
Paul Scheer [00:35:03] Top secret files, ope there they are. Like like literally types in.
June Diane Raphael [00:35:10] Okay. That scene, I was honestly very disturbed. The whole time I thought, he looks so much like John McCain, a senator from. Yeah, I thought he was John McCain many times. But in that scene we cut to him and then he's a he's in a black cotton tank top, not ribbed, just plain solid black cotton eating an apple, hacking. It was so distressing to me.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:35:39] Also, the only character in this movie, I believe, who does not fuck.
Paul Scheer [00:35:45] On camera.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:35:45] Everybody else fucks on camera. We see it.
Paul Scheer [00:35:50] Well, I also I mean, he also has the best line where, you know, they have this one transmitter for this. I mean, this convoluted bullshit plan they have. Well, that that. The giant warhead that.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:36:05] Oh, the torpedo? The torpedo he has in his house? Don't tell anybody about this.
Paul Scheer [00:36:12] In his blue painted room of weaponry. It is like his. It's like Christian Gray's red room. But this is a blue room of just old the weaponry.
June Diane Raphael [00:36:24] And I thought, did anyone else? I was really excited because I thought at the very end he was absolutely going to sacrifice himself.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:36:31] How did he not?
June Diane Raphael [00:36:32] I don't know. Why did we keep him alive?
Paul Scheer [00:36:36] Well, because we needed a killer in line. "Huh, I feel a little underdressed." When he said.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:36:43] He said while he's wearing breathing apparatus. I think he's making jokes in the face of countless dead. I feel underdressed. For who? Who is that for?
Paul Scheer [00:36:59] I also don't understand how he got out of the sub.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:37:04] No, no, no. This is a huge problem. Because Captain Jack Harkness also is able to exit the sub without there being any difference between the interior pressurized sub. Everybody in this movie has the bends for sure.
Paul Scheer [00:37:20] Fuck the bends he blew up when he opened up.
June Diane Raphael [00:37:23] He would have. Yeah, he'd absolutely be dead. Yeah. They just open a hatch and swim out.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:37:27] They swim right out. The water would be. It would blow them back. You couldn't. Come on.
Paul Scheer [00:37:36] You can't even get out of the car the fell into a lake. This is a sub. He's turning a wheel, pushing that open, swimming out.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:37:50] Wait, I have a question. Wasn't there a whole plot line that never gets or maybe it does get resolved and I was in a fugue state during the watching of this movie. But weren't they done? Didn't they have like, a hypodermic needle to poison the shark or something? Didn't they have? They were like, oh, so you're telling me this is going to kill the shark? What happened to that?
Paul Scheer [00:38:11] I know they're shooting a lot. I thought that that first they had to put the lipstick camera on the shark. Get that shark.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:38:17] Boy, did I want you to say they were putting lipstick on the shark. Like just give the shark a make over. And let it come to the beach party.
June Diane Raphael [00:38:25] And they were always putting trackers on the shark trackers on the little sharks tracks on the big sharks. Everybody was trying to get a tracker on the shark.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:38:32] They've got a camera on it. What's the shark up to?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:38:34] By the way, they never look at what the shark is up to, really? Like they're just swimming like they could always see. And it seems like at certain points, the shark is out for blood, and it's like. It's like the shark just wants to eat people. The shark. I don't know why the shark so angry.
Paul Scheer [00:38:48] The shark is drawn to electricity. The shark is drawn to all of these.
Paul Scheer [00:38:51] But then why is he drawn to a woman in a parasail where there's no electricity?
June Diane Raphael [00:38:55] Because here's what. No, I know. I well, my reading of that was that that baby shark brought her was trying to bring her as food for his mom.
Paul Scheer [00:39:09] Aww?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:39:11] Oh, okay. Actually, no.
Paul Scheer [00:39:17] And by the way, do you think that one little tiny person, that one little tiny person going to feed that giant shark, she needs to bring four boats in there. A marina.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:39:29] Oh, fuck you, London. Caring so much for a shark and its mom. Eat shit. But when that Mama Shark came out, I was like, now we're talking.
Paul Scheer [00:39:42] I wrote down, Holy shit, because it's so it's comically large.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:39:47] Well, my favorite part is it's like a VFX shot of the giant shark coming out and gobbling up a boat. Another boat, all these things. It's the same shot over and over. It goes this way. Then they reverse it. It does it this way. And then when the apex bad guy rides a sea-doo out of the boat, it's the same VFX shot laid down.
Paul Scheer [00:40:12] Scene seven, let's watch. I mean, this is a classic clip, an internet classic, a viral clip. Scene seven.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:40:21] Love it. He laughs. Same shot. Why is she upset? Gobble, gobble. Oh my God.
Paul Scheer [00:40:51] An amazing scene.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:41:06] Why is he such? Why is he such a villain? Why is he? We don't show him being so like bond level villain or villain. He like there is nothing. And yet he looks back on this carnage and smiles and laughs like. Like it was his plan all along.
June Diane Raphael [00:41:26] And then it makes me think. Was he the mystery hand?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:41:29] Yeah. Why is that woman so upset that the guy who who has brought her to this party pushes her down earlier, but she is pushed down and he abandons her. Then he steals her life jacket, jumps off into the shark's mouth like a fucking idiot. You know, you're telling me.
Paul Scheer [00:41:49] She loves bad boys.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:41:54] Oh, no. Oh, how much better would it have been if she was like, yeah, eat shit.
Paul Scheer [00:42:01] And then as she's doing that, the shark eats her. I'll say about the guy in the sea-doo, his chances are he's riding that sea-doo way into the lower intestine of that shark. He's not dead for a bit. The shark is a swallowing people whole. Those people are living in that shark for hours. There in that shark when the torpedo hit. Many of the people inside are still alive.
June Diane Raphael [00:42:26] Wow. I also really I could not make heads or tails of why some of the guests were saved on that one life raft.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:42:39] It just didn't get around to eating them. I think it just. And, it also appeared based on outfits of people jumping off. It appeared to me that two thirds of the people on the boat were cater waiters.
June Diane Raphael [00:42:51] Yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:42:55] Jump off.
June Diane Raphael [00:42:55] Yep.
Paul Scheer [00:42:57] They knew that shit went bad. They're like, I'm getting the fuck out of here. I don't get paid enough for this. Now, I will say that we didn't talk about going to church. One of the best moments in this movie where I'm like, well, this is a detour I didn't expect.
June Diane Raphael [00:43:16] I don't remember.
Paul Scheer [00:43:16] He's like, well, we got to before we before we go kill the shark. We got to do something. Then they cut to the church and they're lighting like a vigil candle there. Like, let's pray on it.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:43:26] This was crazy.
June Diane Raphael [00:43:28] I forgot about it.
Paul Scheer [00:43:29] Kirk Cameron movie? I mean, what happened?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:43:32] So crazy that I agree with June. I had erased it from my mind. I didn't even make a note of it. I forgot.
June Diane Raphael [00:43:38] Forgot about it.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:43:39] Because it makes so little sense in the movie that you almost want to be like, they can't have meant this, so I shouldn't talk about it. I'm embarrassed.
Paul Scheer [00:43:49] Well, I'm just surprised that, a very religious man is having so much sex out of wedlock. Now, before we go talk to the audience, I think we do need to talk about the line.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:44:04] I really just want to say, because we. I've mentioned it, but we have to talk about this line from captain Jack Harkness. That's it. Should we play it when our when our fellowship finally assembles and it's Kat, it's captain Jack Harkness, and it's old man McCain, and they're like, we've got explosives. She has a crossbow, they've got the tornado. They've got the whole thing. And they're going to we're going to leave here at 8 a.m.. Late start. Late start honestly, sunrise at five.
Paul Scheer [00:44:36] For a seafaring mission. When I've gone on fishing trips. You have to be there five.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:44:42] Also leave now. Be on the water. Be ready. Anyway, she she goes. I'm pretty wiped out of it. He goes, I'm pretty wiped. What do you say I take you home and eat your pussy? Boom! That's the line. Hard cut to him. Kissing her shoulders. I don't know who taught him what the pussy is, but they got it wrong. He motorboats her and kisses her shoulders. That's it.
Paul Scheer [00:45:09] Also, in the shower, I'm like, can't these people do something dry?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:45:14] These guys love the water.
Paul Scheer [00:45:16] I do want to hear him say it. Let's see. Scene six.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:45:19] Thank you.
Movie Audio [00:45:23] All right, you two. Get some sleep.
Movie Audio [00:45:28] Yes, sir.
Movie Audio [00:45:29] We'll meet back here at 8 a.m.. Don't be late.
Movie Audio [00:45:41] I'm exhausted.
Movie Audio [00:45:42] Yeah. Me too. But, you know, I'm really wired. What do you say I take you home and eat your pussy?
Paul Scheer [00:45:55] Now I will reveal my little bit of research. All right. We can cut.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:45:59] I will give $100 to everybody who says that to their partner tonight. Before upon leaving this venue.
June Diane Raphael [00:46:08] Before you read whatever you have, Paul. Whatever research online you've done about that.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:46:16] Why? Whatever reason, your computer is now full of viruses.
June Diane Raphael [00:46:21] Whatever that is that you've pulled up. I do have to, because I went back and watch this a few times. It was stunning. I never got I was so stunned. And I was really like, I was really stunned. But here's what was interesting. It's the line before that I think is very connected to the actual line. And the line before is that he's really wired. And so it's like there's something about him that whenever he gets wired and like can't slow his mind down and like, can't focus. And, you know, it's just like mind racing. Like he has to eat pussy like. Yeah. It's like regulating for him.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:47:09] That's his meditation June.
June Diane Raphael [00:47:11] Yeah. It's like that's his. That's his Xanax.
Paul Scheer [00:47:13] I just had I just had espresso. Can I go home and eat your pussy? Oh my God, that afagato was good. I, I gotta right now.
June Diane Raphael [00:47:24] And I love that about him.
Paul Scheer [00:47:26] By the way, that was I love the going to guarantee when you're wired eating somebody's pussy. It's not good.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:47:38] That's how that's how you do it tonight. Tonight you're like, oh, yeah, you're gonna go to. That show was so good. I'm so wired. What do you say I take you home and eat your pussy?
June Diane Raphael [00:47:52] Okay. Before you read whatever it is you found, it's also like, what was it? Was it a joke?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:48:03] If it was, it worked.
June Diane Raphael [00:48:05] Thousand percent.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:48:07] What a home run.
Paul Scheer [00:48:09] You make none of the shots you don't take.
June Diane Raphael [00:48:13] Absolutely.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:48:13] Amazing. If we had seen him use that line earlier on someone else.
June Diane Raphael [00:48:19] But yeah, it's also wood. So crazy is unlike the other men's. God, I can't stop thinking of this line, unlike the other men in the movie who are so overtly sexual and harassing and disgusting and patronizing, he really isn't. Or maybe I've just lost the plot a little bit.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:48:41] No, he's also charming.
June Diane Raphael [00:48:42] He's charming, and he seems to be interested in her and what she has to offer as a marine biologist or a paleontologist.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:48:52] He's not just objectifying her ass in her cargo shorts.
June Diane Raphael [00:48:55] Exactly. And other people are saying that he's a womanizer, but I feel like we didn't really see that.
Paul Scheer [00:49:01] He's a nice Catholic man. He cares about protecting the people of this resort, which stands up for his morals. He leaves major evidence of a dinosaur in his boss's office.
June Diane Raphael [00:49:13] Which, by the way, like so when he said that, when he said that, I was like, yeah, you can say that, buddy. Yeah, you can absolutely say that.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:49:23] And it's I'm not surprised at all that they go and do it. The hard cut, do it happening.
[00:49:29] I wish it went to a hard cut to him between her legs because the shower is not. Let's go for it. You said let's go for it, you know. Now can I reveal?
June Diane Raphael [00:49:39] Yeah go ahead.
Paul Scheer [00:49:41] All right. Because I think that you can attack this a similar way. That entire line was improvised.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:49:52] I'm not surprised because it's funnier and more specific than every other line in the movie. And I know that because it's underlined and bolded in my notes, because I cackled so hard and for so long that I was like, this is electric.
June Diane Raphael [00:50:13] It was the only moment in the movie where I was like, there's something happening.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:50:18] Something real just happened.
June Diane Raphael [00:50:20] Something is happening between these two people. There's an energy.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:50:23] I'm curious. I want to watch her. I want to watch her face.
June Diane Raphael [00:50:27] Okay.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:50:28] Assuming she doesn't know it's coming.
Paul Scheer [00:50:30] She doesn't know it's coming. What he was told was, you know, to kind of, like, put a cap on the scene, right?
June Diane Raphael [00:50:37] Boy did he ever.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:50:42] Hey, captain Jack Harkness, what we need is a button for the scene. Yeah. Oh, I've got a literal button and work and work that button.
Paul Scheer [00:50:50] And I just want it before we watch it just go like. So we have to assume the entire line is improvised. The wired part two. So this is all coming as an improvization. So then we can take it from here.
Movie Audio [00:51:03] All right, you two. Get some sleep.
Movie Audio [00:51:09] Yes, sir.
Movie Audio [00:51:11] We'll meet back here at 8 a.m.. Don't be late.
Movie Audio [00:51:21] I'm exhausted.
Movie Audio [00:51:22] Yeah. Me too. But, you know, I'm really wired. What do you say I take you home and eat your pussy?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:51:33] She just smiles.
Paul Scheer [00:51:34] He is rubbing that like he's like. You can tell he's a little nervous about saying it because.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:51:39] Well, you tell he's got it. He's got it's locked and loaded. He's like. He's like looking down with a sly smile. Like, I got it, I got it.
June Diane Raphael [00:51:49] Yeah, we're going home. We're going home early tonight.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:51:51] They kept it. They kept it in. Even though it's legitimately terrible coverage. He's like it's like on him here. It's terrible. But well it works.
June Diane Raphael [00:51:59] But it's better that it's not directly on him.
Paul Scheer [00:52:02] He said the director had no response to it, so he was very shocked when he showed this movie to his nephews.
June Diane Raphael [00:52:10] Oh no.
Paul Scheer [00:52:11] Now, I have some issues because if that was the first moment he was shocked with his nephews, he's got a a low threshold. The the line has been since dubbed to, what do you say I take you home and watch I Love Lucy?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:52:32] Is that true? Wait, what do you mean? Like TV?
Paul Scheer [00:52:36] The TV edit is why don't I take you home and watch I Love Lucy and then they cut to that shower scene.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:52:44] I would love that. I would love it if that took off as, like, a, like a sly way to say that I'm gonna eat your pussy.
Paul Scheer [00:52:54] Should that be, like. Should that be a shirt?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:52:57] I'd like to watch I Love Lucy.
Paul Scheer [00:53:00] Let's go home and watch I Love Lucy. That's our shirt. All right, let's go to that.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:53:05] Lucy cramming vaginas into her mouth like bonbons.
Paul Scheer [00:53:09] Oh, my God. All right, let's go to the crowd. Let's see what they have here. All right. I'll come down to you. Hello. How are you? What's your name?
Audience Member [00:53:19] Dylan.
Paul Scheer [00:53:19] Dylan, what's your question?
Audience Member [00:53:21] So, in an interview a couple of years ago, the director said that he had to leave early. So the ADR and the visual effects were not his fault. He can't watch this film. Should we have?
Paul Scheer [00:53:33] Great question. I have a problem with the directors. Like I had to leave early, right? It's not like I have to go pick my kids up from school. You're directing a movie you can be there for.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:53:44] What a bullshit thing to be like. You know what? I can't take responsibility for what happened because I had to leave early. No. Do the job.
Paul Scheer [00:53:53] Now, I know that Steven Spielberg left early on the set of Jaws because he knew that the cast or the crew hated him so much, he was afraid they were going to dunk him in the water. So when they blew up the shark at the end of Jaws, he was on an airplane out of there. That is a true fact. All right, so what's your name? Owen. And what's your question?
Audience Member [00:54:15] Why did the paleontologist bring business cards with her?
Paul Scheer [00:54:19] Good.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:54:20] She's networking. Networking.
Paul Scheer [00:54:28] Got a lot of information on the business card when you see it.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:54:35] And the bird is weird. What's that?
Paul Scheer [00:54:38] It seems that you have to be an ornithologist for that bird on the card. Yes. Your name?
Audience Member [00:54:43] Stephen.
Paul Scheer [00:54:44] Stephen, I Love. Like you're wearing a hoodie. How did this get made? Hoodie. Which I've never. This is beautiful.
Audience Member [00:54:51] Thank you.
Paul Scheer [00:54:51] All right, so what's your question?
Audience Member [00:54:53] Not so much a question. More just a little thing for you and for Jason and June as well.
June Diane Raphael [00:54:58] Thanks.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:54:59] Thank you.
June Diane Raphael [00:54:59] Thank you so much.
Audience Member [00:55:00] You're very welcome.
June Diane Raphael [00:55:01] Very nice.
Paul Scheer [00:55:02] So question for all of us. Okay. Here we go.
Audience Member [00:55:05] More of a statement when you guys get to Glasgow. Yeah. You two have got to get Paul to do that impression of being wired and going down. Because in Scotland they refer to cunilingus as growling at the badger.
Paul Scheer [00:55:21] And that, first of all, we'll do it 100%. That will be. That's the only way we're going to.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:55:27] I love that. Growling at the Badger. Oh, it would've been so much better if he was like, why don't I take you home and growl at the badger? Wow. I would like it if anybody else has. Great. You know what? Forget it. You creeps.
Paul Scheer [00:55:51] I'm in balcony one.
June Diane Raphael [00:55:55] Okay.
Paul Scheer [00:55:56] Here we go. Let's see, I see you. You right here. What's your name?
Audience Member [00:56:00] Trish.
Paul Scheer [00:56:00] Okay, Trish, what's your question?
Audience Member [00:56:02] They're on this big boat. He's got all these investors there. They've exploded a part of the fiber optic cable. And what he had the investors there was to invest in another large portion that was kind of global. What do you think the economic fallout from this one shark attack would have for the world?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:56:19] I loved too that when we kept cutting back to not head apex Guy from the seadoo, but the two guys in the room.
June Diane Raphael [00:56:28] I forgot about those guys.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:56:29] One. I kept calling them earring and pony tail and then in there. Then their third beat, their smoking a joint. I was like, how these guys are part of apex? What?
June Diane Raphael [00:56:41] They're referred to as code monkeys by the main apex. Yeah. Weren't they referred to as code monkeys? Yeah, but they had such direct access to our.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:56:54] Do you want to make the call? I don't want to make the call. What? Apex I think only has 11 employees.
Paul Scheer [00:57:04] My favorite thing about the apex office is when, when the when John McCain goes to visit the head of apex, the blinds are closed. Yeah. Like, clearly they had no view or something terrible had gone on outside. Like, like to close the blinds in an all windowed office is a bold. I guess maybe sun was coming in, I don't know, but it was shocking, like, oh, this. And then this upper part of the office was clearly that's like, that's the whole that's fiber optics for the world. These two guys, they look like two people who work with like Homer Simpson.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:57:42] Yes. Hey, Homer, it's that. It's really it is that that dumb.
June Diane Raphael [00:57:47] And, I don't know if we've already covered this, but what does apex want to do, exactly?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:57:54] Cable's underwater.
June Diane Raphael [00:57:57] AT&T. What?
Paul Scheer [00:57:58] Broadband, I don't know. All right. Yes. Your name?
Audience Member [00:58:01] David.
Paul Scheer [00:58:02] David. And what's your question?
Audience Member [00:58:03] Well, one quick thing. I love the in a line from the CEO, they managed to get in the line, jurassic shark.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:58:09] I oh, I missed that.
Audience Member [00:58:11] And, it's similar to the internet search earlier. There is a bit in the submarine where he reroutes the torpedo by typing onto the screen. New target for, target for torpedo. And that's it.
Paul Scheer [00:58:24] That is amazing.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:58:27] Great catch.
Paul Scheer [00:58:27] I'm in balcony two balcony.
June Diane Raphael [00:58:31] Paul. Be careful, be careful.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:58:33] Paul, they're already standing.
Paul Scheer [00:58:35] So you have your question written down. And I like I like that. So here you go. What's your name and your question?
Audience Member [00:58:41] Well, I don't really have a question.
Paul Scheer [00:58:42] Okay. Well you have something written down.
Audience Member [00:58:46] So I looked up, we actually. I'm sorry. My name is Susan.
Paul Scheer [00:58:49] Hi, Susan.
Audience Member [00:58:50] At the beginning, his partner, which we referred to as, Mr. Vamanos. I looked it up on IMDb, and he is an actor who is described as George is a full fledged Bulgarian lad born in Sofia, Bulgaria, two real live Bulgarian parents. Yet he has is attempting a Mexican accent.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:59:16] Oh, yeah.
Paul Scheer [00:59:17] Gotcha. So we're talking about full on Bulgarian doing Mexican. You have a problem with that?
Audience Member [00:59:22] Real live Bulgarian parents.
Paul Scheer [00:59:24] Well, I have an issue with his IMDb profile. Yes. I feel like he wrote.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:59:30] It seems as though he's being accused of being born to dead Bulgarians. And they're like, no.
Paul Scheer [00:59:36] There's a lot of, there's a lot of stolen Bulgarian parent valor out there. So. Yes. oh. Okay. Oh, there's actual sharks. Oh. Over there. All right. I'll go to the sharks here. We get our sharks. Hey. All rigt, now.
Audience Member [00:59:53] We don't have so much as a question. Is there's a line. Sharks are always biting things. And it really spun me out where I was thinking about how many animals have an opportunity to not just bite things. How many animals have opposable thumbs?
Paul Scheer [01:00:13] You just want to, like, reflect on sharks? That's all we can do, right? We're like.
June Diane Raphael [01:00:18] Listen. Paul, I was wrestling with that same line because I just felt like, how do we know they like to bite things?
Paul Scheer [01:00:29] I thought also this shark was a calling out that they might need a dentist. The teeth are dropping at an aggressive rate, especially for a baby.
June Diane Raphael [01:00:39] I will reveal that every so often I do a Google search.
Paul Scheer [01:00:46] I thought you were going to say you follow a shark on TikTok.
June Diane Raphael [01:00:50] I do a Google image search of just x-rays of sharks heads to see.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:00:58] What are you talking about?
June Diane Raphael [01:01:03] I'm not proud of this, and I'm sure I'm on some sort of a list, but I do a search and I look at pictures of all of the teeth in that shark's skull.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:01:16] I was like, what are you looking for? Like, what do you want to know?
June Diane Raphael [01:01:19] I'm looking for teeth. I'm looking for teeth.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:01:23] Okay.
June Diane Raphael [01:01:25] Row after row. Row after row after row. So, yeah, a lot of teeth come out. Yep.
Paul Scheer [01:01:31] I don't want to put you on the spot. You know, as as somebody I perform with you, and you're also, my wife. I don't like to put you in a position where you will be exposed. But this gentleman came up to me at first was like, you might be too drunk to ask a question, but he revealed himself as having a very good question, and it is coming after you. So here you go.
Audience Member [01:01:57] June, how do you feel about being in a country of male tea drinkers?
June Diane Raphael [01:02:02] Oh. Yeah. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. Everyone, I can take it.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:02:14] Fantastic question.
June Diane Raphael [01:02:15] It's such a good question.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:02:16] I've had so much tea in the last ten days.
June Diane Raphael [01:02:21] Yeah. No, I'm I'm absolutely here for this question, and I can stand in my power right now. I will say this. There's a dampness here that has chilled me to the bone. Where I feel like every night I must sit in a bathtub and I have with hot water. And I have thought to myself, even though I have such a distaste for tea drinkers, I am putting myself in a pot of tea every night and soaking in there. And so I have had I've had a couple moments of understanding, and sympathy. But I can't tell you that I feel great about male tea drinkers. I don't, I'm not there, I'm not there, but I'm closer than I was before, so. And that's just, that's that is my, and that's just me being honest.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:03:33] I love it when I get to the hotel, I order a little pot of tea up to the room.
June Diane Raphael [01:03:37] Well, this is what I wanted to say, so I'm feeling a little bit more understanding for British and British tea drinkers. American tea drinkers, American male, specifically tea drinkers. Disgusting.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:03:51] Careful.
June Diane Raphael [01:03:54] Why are you so elderly again? It's gross. Have a glass of water or have a beer or a drink and stop it. Cut it out. Cut it out here. Cut it out. Be a man.
Paul Scheer [01:04:10] I am in the upper balcony. All right. The good looking bunch here. Hi. How are you? What's your name?
Audience Member [01:04:20] Zach.
Paul Scheer [01:04:21] Zach. Your question.
Audience Member [01:04:22] So in the scene where the, baby shark perfectly seals the boat and they are continuously kicking, she, our leading lady came in to specifically grab a shotgun and blast the brains out of that baby shark. However, as soon as the shark comes in, she decides to do a lateral pass and chuck the shotgun as far as she can across the room. And I just wondered why.
Paul Scheer [01:04:45] Well, I think she's wrestling with the fame of finding a dinosaur or or killing a dinosaur and saving her life. She's constantly conflicted. I mean, we've talked about her before, but she looks at death all the time, so she's not really. She's like, I don't care that people die. That's my job. I'm a paleontologist. She's like, Luther.
June Diane Raphael [01:05:07] With the moment because I had that experience, too, watching her reaction and the way she threw that rifle. It didn't feel like she was conflicted, like, oh, I don't want to hurt this shark. It felt like, oh, no, I've been caught with a gun. Yeah. It was absolutely bizarre. You know it. Her reactions to the way she reacted to the parasailer or at the edge of the boat. Initially, she seemed excited.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:05:32] Yeah. Yeah, no I agree.
June Diane Raphael [01:05:35] Excited to see her flail about.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:05:37] And to piggyback off of, the question up there. I do believe the movie for quite some time is trying to establish her as a villain. Like the captain jack Harkness is kind of like, hey, what do you do? You want to kill this thing? Or do you want to, like, love this thing or whatever? He's got some line like that, and then it's like, oh, no apex of the bad guys. And the resort, manager is the bad guy, and she comes around and is like, when I saw that woman die, now I want to kill the shark. Do I need to now murder, I got bloodlust.
June Diane Raphael [01:06:08] It's true. Because it was. And that's why the the line about You're extinct, fucker.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:06:16] You're extinct, fucker.
June Diane Raphael [01:06:20] It wasn't just like, oh, I'm okay with now protecting human life and valuing it more than shark life. It was like, I'm going to get this shark, this one today. Yeah.
Paul Scheer [01:06:32] And I will say, the way she blew that shark's brains out.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:06:37] That shark. Because the way you started that line, the way she blew pause, pause.
Paul Scheer [01:06:44] But it was so violent. It was like she made the shark commit suicide. I know we said the shark didn't have, like, opposable thumbs, but she gave the shark that feeling like. Like it really was looking up through there. It was. And it was in the blood. The brain just came out so gross on the wall. I don't know why they couldn't show it. Why couldn't you show a shark's head exploding?
Jason Mantzoukas [01:07:09] Because they didn't have anything that would allow. That's true because they had none of it. And the shotgun is like, POW! It's like, not like that doesn't sound like that. They didn't even have the budget for a shotgun sound.
June Diane Raphael [01:07:23] Also, when she when she brings a bucket full of blood, as chum, it does when they throw it out, it looks like, oh, that's that is grape juice. Yep.
Paul Scheer [01:07:35] Yep. There was like, I've always seen chum in movies is like guts and fish and blood. This is like jello before you put it in the fridge.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:07:43] Yep. Absolutely.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:07:45] All right. Well, obviously we have opinions about this movie, but there are people out there with a different opinion. It is now time for second opinions. Our friend from Greece is back.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:08:01] Oh. Actively being booed. Wow.
Audience Member [01:08:05] So I'm Petros, the Greek guy, and I'm going to sing a song about my experience last night, waiting for our hosts in the cold of the night and megalodon. And it goes like this. 10:30, went backstage to meet my heroes. Jason waved and left in record time. So rude. Paul and June were super polite and at that point I started seeing stars. Help me now. I saw stars in the air. Clap your hands for me. Saw five stars were everywhere. Everybody clap your hands. Clap your hands and it goes. Give me, give me, give me a second opinion. Socks were all stock food. That's bad. I gave it five stars. Give me, give me, give me a second opinion. Bulgaria plays Mexico. I gave it five stars. Give me, give me, give me a second opinion. Meg a la don!
June Diane Raphael [01:09:20] Wow.
Paul Scheer [01:09:26] Don't break it. You got it. You got it. Get out on a high!
Jason Mantzoukas [01:09:30] Walk away. Walk away.
June Diane Raphael [01:09:33] Yes! hey!
Jason Mantzoukas [01:09:35] Back, baby! You did it!
June Diane Raphael [01:09:37] He did it! He did.
Paul Scheer [01:09:39] He redeemed himself. That was great. You got a win. You got them back here.All right. There are a lot of reviews of Shark Attack 3: Megalodon. No. I'm lying. There aren't. There are 195 total reviews. Just to put that in perspective, sometimes we do films that have 40,000 reviews. So 195. 40% are five star reviews. And I'm going to say this. A lot of them were written in jest. So we had to dig through it to kind of find which ones actually really are standing the test of truth here.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:10:25] And that's something that someone's job is, is to sift through the reviews.
Paul Scheer [01:10:32] Yes. Molly Reynolds goes, reads through all of these and goes, all right, I think this is real. I think this is fake. Then I read hers and go I think that one's the fake one that got through you. There's a lot of levels here of protection, going on. This is from Eileen McHenry. It was reviewed in 2017 and she writes, "You will never see another movie like this one. Let's just hope it never happens in real life. Five stars." And Tyrion writes this review "So we're watching the FX channel, and all of a sudden this great white shark shows up and my son is sold. He thinks it's the best thing ever. Little did I know that when I purchased the movie, there were naked people and sex scenes." This is the part I don't understand, but I'm going to read it as written. "My grandpa tell me, you know shark movie has naked men and women embarrassed? Yes. Nonetheless, if my five year old likes it, it can't be that bad.".
Jason Mantzoukas [01:11:53] Is that a barometer? Is that a. Is that a reliable barometer?
Paul Scheer [01:11:58] I don't know, but there's also like a moment here of like he's playing out a scene where like.
June Diane Raphael [01:12:04] Yeah, I don't like this. At all.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:12:08] And the reality is, you only need to watch the trailer to see that there's nudity in this movie.
Paul Scheer [01:12:15] He's saying he watched the I Love Lucy version and they got the DVD, got the let's go eat the pussy version. All right.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:12:23] And I like the we're calling it the I Love Lucy version.
June Diane Raphael [01:12:29] Release the I Love Lucy version.
Paul Scheer [01:12:32] That's really all the reviews fit to read. But maybe I'll end on this one from Sheriff of Rottingham. "I am now so afraid to go into the ocean, even on a big boat, because the megalodon eats boats. I thought this movie would be bad and a rip off all the Jaws movies, but boy, I was wrong. I love the cinematography and the chemistry between the main characters was through the roof. I threw my popcorn in the air when the megalodon first surfaced. It scared the living daylights out of me. You need to buy this movie now if you don't have it already. I guarantee this will be your favorite movie ever. Five stars. Incredible cinematic action. The megalodon looks real." And again, I can't tell if that's real or.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:13:18] That I'm worried about that person.
Paul Scheer [01:13:20] Me too because it felt a little too real. Yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:13:23] I threw my popcorn in the air?
Paul Scheer [01:13:26] Just so you know, this is a sequel. The first movie is called Shark Attack. It is about an African fishing village starring Casper Van Dean. And then the second movie is called Shark Zone. About a man who has a fear of sharks who is forced by a Russian crime syndicate to rush to get a treasure, where there's a bunch of sharks down there, and they use all the same shots from the first movie and the second movie in this third movie. They use ten minutes of footage from Shark Zone in Shark three. And the film Shark Zone also goes by Jurassic Shark. So this is the third film there, and, there's no budget. Of course.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:14:15] There's no budget listed. There was a budget.
Paul Scheer [01:14:17] There was a budget, but I don't know. We don't know what it was. All I can tell you is this. This movie came out in 2002. Like I mentioned, it came out the same year as Britney Spears Crossroads, Adventures of Pluto Nash, the Country Bears, Master of Disguise, Rollerball, and Killing Me Softly. That's all this we've done. This is a good year for our show 2002.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:14:42] And a bad year for cinema.
Paul Scheer [01:14:45] Look, terrorists just attacked and we were like, we green light all these movies. We don't know anymore.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:14:54] This is all we have.
Paul Scheer [01:14:56] I will say that the director of this movie also directed a number of X-rated films under the pseudonym Sven Conrad. So.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:15:05] Sven Conrad?
Paul Scheer [01:15:06] Yes.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:15:07] Wow.
June Diane Raphael [01:15:07] Is that why he left early to get back to his real work?
Paul Scheer [01:15:12] Also reused some footage from those movies in this movie. Okay. So would you recommend this film?
June Diane Raphael [01:15:18] Yes, Absolutely.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:15:21] Absolutely. Five stars.
June Diane Raphael [01:15:24] Honestly, it was enjoyable to watch. I obviously wish the big Mama shark came out earlier. Sure. But.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:15:34] But when you find out they only had search and ten minutes of shots they could use. Yeah, they got the most out of them. They did everything but make the shark come down from above as if the shark was in the sky.
June Diane Raphael [01:15:46] I will say, for that moment alone and for that line of dialog like this is worth it. Yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:15:53] This is I mean, maybe a phenomenal movie.
June Diane Raphael [01:15:57] And again, we are not oh well, people up here. So I will.
Paul Scheer [01:16:04] Say, yeah, it takes me for a movie to take my breath away three times. Which it did.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:16:11] Take my breath away.
Paul Scheer [01:16:14] It was truly a joy to watch. I mean, this movie is it's got it all, and it's got that great jet ski into the shark's mouth at the end.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:16:25] Jumping into the sharks. I mean, the action is top notch.
June Diane Raphael [01:16:29] Phenomenal.
Paul Scheer [01:16:30] And the last line is pretty killer. Megala who? Does it make sense? No, but it feels right.
June Diane Raphael [01:16:40] Didn't matter.
Paul Scheer [01:16:40] And that's this whole movie. It feels so right.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:16:44] Fantastic. I loved every goddamn minute of it.
June Diane Raphael [01:16:48] I did too. Yeah, truly, I did too.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:16:50] It was a here's what I'll say. It was a beautiful day here in London. Gorgeous spring day. Give it up. It's a gloomy. It's oftentimes a gray, gloomy city. I went to, Paul, and I'm certain your book will be there. This is a plug for your book. I want to shout out Chris from Daunt Books in Marley Bone. Yes. Daunt books. Chris, a fan of the show who couldn't make it tonight because he's working selling books. So give it up for Chris right now at Daunt books. Who's doing the work.
Paul Scheer [01:17:24] Preorder from Daunt Books.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:17:26] Who's going to be selling Paul's book? But you guys, I had to leave a beautiful day to go back to the hotel to watch this pile of garbage, and I couldn't have loved it more.
Paul Scheer [01:17:39] Jason. We'll one up you. We made our children sit in a hotel room while we watched it without them, we're like, you sit over there and we sit in this corner. You don't look over here. Don't talk to us for 90 minutes.
June Diane Raphael [01:17:53] Don't ask usfor anything.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:17:56] I love that their experiences, just like every once in a while watching you guys.
June Diane Raphael [01:18:03] But also separately.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:18:06] You're not watching the same screen?
June Diane Raphael [01:18:08] No.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:18:08] Oh, of course not.
June Diane Raphael [01:18:09] Heavens, no.
Paul Scheer [01:18:10] Ladies and gentlemen, thank you. Thank you everybody who came out. Jason Mantzoukas! June Diane Raphael. Thank you to all of you. Thank you for coming.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:18:21] Give it up for Paul Scheer!
Paul Scheer [01:18:23] Good night, everybody.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:18:25] Eat shit, London.
Paul Scheer [01:18:30] But wait. The episode is not over. No. If you want to be a part of our live audience. Well, I guess you can't be a part of your live audience, but you can feel like it by getting a brand new t shirt made just for this film. Or a sticker or a mug. Whatever you want. Teepublic got you covered. Go to Teepublic.com/stores/HDTGM and if you're in London my book is available in London. That's right go to Waterstones. Joyful Recollections of Trauma is there. If you want me to personalize your book, go to my website PaulScheer.com. And if you've bought my book, continue to rate it and review it on Amazon and Goodreads. It really, really helps. And I've been blown away by the reaction. I just want to thank you, but I also want to thank everybody in London who brought Shark Attack 3 to life. I'm talking about that staff at the Hackney Empire, our tour manager Beth Thomas, and our recording engineer, Matt Rice. If you have a correction or omission from this episode, leave me a voicemail at 619-PAUL-ASK or write a comment on our discord at discord.gg/HDTGM, and then make sure to tune in next week to our Last Looks follow up episode on Shark Attack 3. To hear me respond to your messages and announce the next movie on our Hot Shark Summer series. Jason and I will also talk with Jordan Morris, who you might remember him from our Skyline episode. He's got a brand new book coming out, which is great. We're talking about graphic novels, comic con, music, and a lot more. Remember, if you listen on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, please make sure that you are subscribed to our feed and have automatic downloads turned on in the show settings. It helps us and we appreciate it. And last but not least, I got to thank our entire team to whom this show could not be done without. I'm talking about our producers, Scott Sonne and Molly Reynolds, and our movie producer Avril Halley, and our engineer Casey Holford, and our associate producer, Jess Cisneros. People, one thing that you didn't know about me is I'm in Twisters. Go see it this weekend. Anyway, that's all I got. See you next week on Last Looks. Until then. Bye for now.